DP Family Returns: A Marriage in Question: Erin and Marty

"He Does Things That Are Really Mean and Vicious"

Throughout the years, Marty and Erin have had a rocky marriage. Six years ago, Marty admitted to having an affair, and recently, Erin revealed she too sought comfort in the arms of another man. "At a moment in my life where somebody was kind to me, I succumbed to that, and it felt great for awhile, and for a few minutes, it was about Erin and not about Alexandra, or Katherine or anybody else," Erin admitted on tape. "I settled when I married Marty." Erin also expressed that she's not certain she wants to work on making her marriage better.

 

Dr. Phil asks Erin, "One of the things I've been talking to Marty about is he is an angry guy. Do you agree?"

"Very much so," she replies.

"Why do you think he's so angry all the time?" Dr. Phil asks.

"Because I think that what he would really like in life is when he gets home, he would ultimately like for me to stop everything and have him be my world until he goes to sleep," she says. "And that does not happen. It almost happened when Alexandra and Katherine moved out."

[AD]"That was those few months," Dr. Phil says to Marty, and he nods.

Erin agrees that those few months were nice.

"I don't want this relationship to be a casualty of all of these crises," Dr. Phil tells the couple. "It's bad enough to go through the crises, to manage that and deal with all that, and then to come out of it on the other end alone, that would be tragic. That would be terrible."

Dr. Phil asks Erin if she believes Marty harbors resentment toward her.

"He harbors a lot of resentment," Erin says. "There were some choices that I made in my life that hurt him, and he's very resentful about that."

Dr. Phil asks Marty, "Do you think about this daily?"

"No," Marty says.

"Have y'all gotten past this? Have you healed the situation? Do you have resentment toward her?" Dr. Phil asks.

"No, I don't," Marty says.

"We're just in denial. We just don't even deal with it," Erin says.

"Does it eat at you?" Dr. Phil asks Marty.

"No," he replies.

"It doesn't eat at him until he's mad about something," Erin says.

Marty admits that when he found out about Erin's affair, he was shocked but says he's chosen to move on and not harp on it.

[AD]Dr. Phil notes that it's important for them to address the affair and move on from it so it doesn't fester and become a bigger problem in their relationship. "I want to get to a place where you can wake up in the morning and choose to really be happy, to really be peaceful, inside and outside, at every level," he says to Marty.

"And I want to be able to look at you in the morning and not feel like I have to walk on eggshells," Erin says to her husband. She says Marty is angry and snaps at her when they wake up.

Erin and Marty open up about the state of their marriage and reveal what is tearing them apart.


"How can you be so pissed off so early in the day?" Dr. Phil asks Marty.

"I don't know," Marty says, adding that he's not upset about the previous day, because that's behind him.

"I think you're full of [expletive]" Dr. Phil says with a laugh. "You'd be the first person I've ever met who can do that." He asks Erin, "Does he throw this up to you when he's angry and he bubbles up?"

"He'll make a reference that I need to go do that thing, rather than be here," Erin says.

Marty says he really doesn't want his wife to spend time with another man.

"If you walk through this world with your psychological skin really burned, and you never heal it up, it doesn't take much to get to you. And so you're very pain sensitive," Dr. Phil says to Marty. "You've got to figure a way to heal that psychological skin." He adds that Erin, Alexandra and Katherine all describe Marty the same way now as he was five years ago.

"If I'm pain sensitive, why do they continue to put pain on me?" Marty asks.

"Because they're very young and egocentric, selfish and unwilling to understand that their choices affect other people in a very adverse way. That's what we call immaturity," Dr. Phil says.

 

Dr. Phil addresses Erin and Marty. "You can't just be slaves to the kids and crisis managers all the time," he tells them. "This relationship is going to cave, if y'all don't actively manage it to make it not cave."

[AD]"So what do we do?" Erin asks.

"There comes a point where you just have to say, ‘I'm not going to be a passive victim to the things that are being heaped on me in my life. I'm not going to keep dispensing pain to others out of frustration. I'm going to do what I can to help the situations that matter to me the most,'" Dr. Phil tells them.

Dr. Phil shares an important message with Marty about his relationship with his grandson, Nathan, and it brings Marty and Erin to tears.


"You can't be who you need to be for him, if you don't take care of you," Dr. Phil tells Marty, encouraging him to fight to get Nathan back. "You can't be who you need to be for him, if you've got a big ‘ol chip on your shoulder. You'll have a heart attack and fall over dead. You've got to take care of yourself."

[AD]Marty nods and fights backs tears.

Dr. Phil turns to Erin and says, "The more peaceful he gets, the less pain he's going to throw off and inflict on other people."

Dr. Phil addresses the couple. "These kind of crises that y'all are dealing with now take their toll on marriages," he says, adding that because they've been through so many painful situations, they associate each other with pain. "You've got to start combating that by putting some positives in there."

"Is it OK if Marty goes and does something on his own without me? That's a really big problem for us, that we don't do that, ever," Erin says to Dr. Phil. "If I go and do something on my own with my friends, when I get home, I am interrogated as to everything we discussed, what we did."

"Is there a trust issue there?" Dr. Phil asks Marty.

"I'm not even going there," Marty says.

"Why do you do that?" Dr. Phil asks Marty. "Do you really care or are you just checking to see if there's something there that you should be concerned about?"

"I don't know, maybe both," he says.

[AD]"You've got to make a decision that you're going to have to trust her, you're going to have to trust him, and you're going to have to make the decision that, ‘If I want something else, if I want someone else, you will be the first to know,'" Dr. Phil says to the couple.

 


Erin makes some surprising statements about her marriage, and Dr. Phil weighs in on whether the couple should divorce.