DP Family Returns: Erin's Dilemma: Erin's marriage

Issues with Marty

Dr. Phil tells Erin that she is the role model for her daughters. "If you've got issues with Marty, you either need to keep working on them or resolve them. Long suffering is nothing," he says. "If it's not working for you, you need to get out of it."

"And how do I do that?" Erin asks.

"You make a decision about what you want in your life, and you commit to it for a period of time. At some point, you have to stop complaining and start asking for exactly what you want," Dr. Phil says. "That's something that Marty needs to hear."

"I don't know that I really want to work on the relationship," Erin says.

[AD]Dr. Phil tells Erin that she must make that decision on her own. "I'll guarantee you, [your daughters] don't want you to stay with him because of them," he says. "They would rather you be happy alone, than unhappy with him."

Erin says she doesn't want to make her daughters feel guilty or responsible.

"I'm sure Marty has a side of this as well," Dr. Phil says to Erin, "Because I'm sure you haven't just been peachy to live with."

"Oh, hell no. I'm a real pain in the ass," Erin admits.

"I personally don't think you're ready to get a divorce, because you have unfinished emotional business," Dr. Phil tells Erin. "You know you're ready for a divorce when you can walk out the door in complete peace; you have no anger, you have no resentment, you have no unfinished business. ‘I'm at peace with that decision,' and you're not there yet."

"Well, I am," Erin says, adding that all she wants from Marty is her computer and her camera, and she wants him to be nice to the children and the animals. "Do you know how many times I've tried to walk out the door and he's grabbed my stuff and kept it? I have had a point in my life where I just want to take my car and just leave. Why does it kill me? Because all of those animals are mine, and I don't have a way to support that right now. I can't be there to take care of my children the way that I want to. I can't be there to take care of my grandchildren the way that I want to, so that's my payoff. As far as Marty is concerned, I have friends that will attest to five years ago, how I did a 180-turn on my personality, changed everything about how I handled Marty, how I was with them. I did everything that I needed to do to make that marriage work, and do you know what happened? Marty got worse!"


[AD]Dr. Phil tells Erin that he is willing to have a conversation with her and Marty together.

"You're not going to get Marty to talk this through," Erin says.

"He's going to cry, and tell my mom how sorry he is, and he's going to change, and I'm sorry, but that's just not my dad. My dad doesn't change," Alex adds.

Erin grows emotional as she describes her feelings toward Marty and why she had an affair.

"You girls are in this together, and you need to feel like you can count on the support of these two," Dr. Phil says to Alex. "If you don't, that's something we need to fix. We need to heal."

"I don't," Alex says, fighting back tears. "At least my mom has offered to try."

"You need to understand, supporting you does not mean supporting everything you do," Dr. Phil says.

"I don't expect them to," Alex says.

[AD]Dr. Phil adds that Katherine and Alex also need to help and support one another.

"When my mom protects my sister when she is boldface lying, it's a little hard," Alex says, voice quavering.

"There's a lot to think about here," Dr. Phil says.


Read Dr. Phil's blog on married women who stray and share your thoughts!