DPF Returns: Alexandra Inside Rehab: DP

A New Day
“I’ve told Alexandra that I wouldn’t speak to her until it was in the lobby of a rehab facility,” Dr. Phil says. “That brings me here — to South Padre Island — because Alexandra is in rehab and I’m about to walk into that lobby.”

Dr. Phil sees Alexandra for the first time since she entered rehab. Will it be a happy reunion?

Dr. Phil asks Alexandra why she chose now to admit she has a problem and get help.

“I was at a very low point in my addiction,” she says. “I was homeless, and I had no worldly possessions except for the clothes on my back and the shoes on my feet.”

“Where did everything go?” Dr. Phil asks.

“I’d sold everything that I owned,” she responds. “I was selling it, pawning; anything that I could do to chase that high.”

In happier days, the Dr. Phil show presented Alexandra with a new truck. Where is that car now?

“I sold that for drugs,” she answers.

“Do you remember how much you got for it?” Dr. Phil asks.

“Six thousand dollars,” she responds. Alexandra says that money bought her enough drugs for just two weeks. “Then I was back chasing the next high.”

“That sends chills down my spine,” Dr. Phil remarks. “I’ve said this is a life or death game. You go through $6,000 in a couple weeks — that’s a lot of drugs in a short amount of time. It’s amazing that you’re alive. Does that scare you when you look back at it?”

[AD]Alexandra acknowledges how serious her situation could have been. “It humbles me,” she says. “It’s terrifying some of the situations that I put myself in. I would never want my children to experience some of the things that I experienced. I’ve cheated death. I’ve cheated death numerous times. I should have overdosed. I should have died. I should have been raped and murdered. That’s the lifestyle that goes along with addiction." She says some days, she took in as many as 20 pills.

Alexandra reveals what she’s done to get drugs. And, she opens up about how much her addiction has cost. “When I got to that bottom, I lost my soul.”

Dr. Phil asks Alexandra about her sordid history with men.

“I was sick,” she tells him. “I gravitated toward the people that I could relate to, who were just as sick as I was. I wasn’t in any position to be choosing a life partner at that point. I was settling with whoever was going to love me at the time.” She tells Dr. Phil that she is currently single and focusing on her sobriety. About her revelations in recovery she says, “I have definitely been awoken to my pattern of choosing men.”

“Were you trying to get pregnant with your last boyfriend?” Dr. Phil asks.

“Oh, no,” she quickly responds. She adds, however, that her birth control “fell out” and she took no active measures to ensure she wouldn’t get pregnant. “I got to the point where I didn’t have any self worth,” she explains. “I could have gotten pregnant.”

Dr. Phil let’s his head fall in his hands in repugnance. He says that the person who Alexandra was dating prior to rehab had been previously arrested for domestic violence against other women, and was still married to a woman currently incarcerated.

“But I didn’t [get pregnant]!” she clarifies.

“Thank God,” Dr. Phil replies.

[AD]Alexandra says her relationship with Tony was also over long ago. “It wasn’t giving me what I needed anymore — which was more drugs, honestly,” she says.

“Is it hard to wrap your mind around the choices that you’ve made?” Dr. Phil asks.

She says she attributes her bad choices to the strong hold that addiction has around its victims. “I’m able to stand here today and say, ‘Yes, I was using during my pregnancy,’” she says. “I’ve processed that and now I can move forward from that.” She says she has no other choice but to forgive herself for those mistakes.

“I’m a manipulator to the core.”

Alexandra shares her 30-day sobriety chip. “This was a big deal for me,” she says. “I haven’t put together 30 days of sobriety in a really, long time.” She says life in rehab is a vast improvement from the life she led on the streets, without running water and clean sheets.

Alex says she will soon be ready to make amends with the people she’s hurt. “It’s not a matter of saying ‘I’m sorry,’” she confesses. “I’ve said, ‘I’m sorry.’ No one wants to hear that anymore. I was wrong. I treated them poorly. If there’s anything that I can do to make it right, I’m willing to do that. Making amends is a part of my staying sober.”

“Who’s at the top of your list?” Dr. Phil asks.

Alexandra says Erin, Marty, Katherine and her children are among the most important people with whom she must makes amends. “And members of your staff,” she says sheepishly. “And you,” she adds with a laugh.

“Well, I’m happy to be on there,” Dr. Phil quips. He adds that she has a whole life ahead of her to be with her family — and kids.

Alexandra shares a letter that she wrote to her oldest son, Nathan, who she says has experienced a lot of anger at being abandoned by her. She says she told him that he did nothing wrong. “I wanted him to know that he was not to blame for anything that I did … and I was wrong for not being a part of his life,” she says. “And I’m going to make an effort to show that I can be his mother again.”

“Those are amazing sentiments,” Dr. Phil tells Alexandra. “I know that he was very moved by that letter.”

She says she understands that she has made progress, but has a long way to go before she's ready to single-parent three young children. “I have learned to ask for help and put my pride behind me,” she says. “As I maintain my sobriety, I will show people that I am trustworthy, and my mom and dad will be there to help me. I will have to re-learn how to be a parent.”

Dr. Phil asks Alexandra what her goals are as she approaches 60 days in rehab. “Do you think you’re ready to leave here?” he asks.

“Not yet,” she responds without hesitation.

“I don’t think so either,” Dr. Phil says. “I think you have to make that transition properly.” He adds that it’s his recommendation that she not return to the area where she was once living, as it may trigger a relapse.

“I don’t have any desire to go back there,” she says.

[AD]Asked if she remembers the old Alexandra addicted to drugs, she says it’s hard to believe, but she forces herself to remember in order to realize how far she’s come. “I need to stay humble and realize that [my past] was a really bad place,” she says.

“Before you came here, there was an intervention,” Dr. Phil remembers. “You took off down the highway. You rejected that offer of rehab. Why?”

“Honestly, my sick brain told me, ‘They are trying to take your drugs away. Run,’” she says.

Alexandra grows tearful while reading a letter from her father, Marty.