Dr. Phil's Get Real Retreat, Part 4: Personal Truth, At the House

Personal Truth

Dr. Phil tells the group, "I believe that every one of us has a personal truth; something we believe about ourselves." He turns to Wade. "You say you were damaged when you were younger, and so you lived to that personal truth. We all live to our personal truth. We get in a comfort zone around that personal truth. You will generate the results in your life that you believe you deserve." He tells Don, "If you believe that you are a sucker, if you believe that you have fried your brain on meth, if you believe that you're just not like other people, you will live to that truth. You can dress up, you can fix yourself up, but if you put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig. And if that's what you believe, you will live to that truth. There's a comfort zone that people get in, but it's really a misnomer because it's not a comfort zone. It's not comfortable. If your personal truth is damaged, you've got to change it because you'll live to it.

"My dad was a horrible alcoholic. Binge-drinking, car-wrecking, house-trashing alcoholic. I was homeless the summer before high school, living on the streets of Kansas City. You live in that zone. You live to that personal truth, or you say, ‘By God, and I mean by God, I'm going to change it. I'm going to claim it for myself.' Let me tell you: your history is nothing to be ashamed of; it is just something to walk out of. You make a choice. My dad's an alcoholic. I made a choice. I haven't had a drink in 40 years. I deserved better than what I saw. How about you? This is the place to make that choice."

After settling into the Dr. Phil House, the guests reflect on their experience so far.

Kathleen says, "It was very hard to stay in the house with Wade. It was really nerve-wracking."

Jessica R. offers to help Paige stay focused and to hold her cell phone for her so she's not tempted to call or text her lover.

Wade feels relief. "When I really felt like a victim, that was the changer for me. Once it was out, it was so freeing. I went back to the house, and I thought I was tired. I wasn't tired, I was actually relaxed, because you carry so much with you," he says.

Nicole is happy to have homework because it gives her an excuse to go away from everyone and write.

Later, some of the guests gather at the dining room table. Melissa tells the group that there are no existing resources to help her get over what her father has done. "There's not, like, a book for how to survive after finding out your dad's a serial killer. There's not anything out there that will comfort me in my situation. I can't picture my dad doing those horrible crimes, and I just want to pretend it didn't happen," she says.

Kathleen shares with Wade, "I happen to have trust issues because I'm scared to death of being alone at night. I can't sleep because I'm scared someone's going to come get me, but I honestly think the guy that raped me, I don't think he spent another night wondering, ‘Well, I can't sleep tonight because of what I did to her,' but he doesn't realize that I [spend] every night walking with my gun, scared to death of going to sleep, checking doors, checking windows. I think, because it did happen to be a black person, my thing is, what if you're the son of the guy who did it to me? Or what if you're the brother or grandson or something? I don't trust any black guys at all."

"I'm going to be honest with you, you telling me that you didn't trust me, it didn't bother me because number one, you don't know me," Wade responds. "I have no idea who you are. I have never been abusive to any woman in my life, never will be. I'm repulsed by any word of rape. But here's the interesting thing about it, while I mentioned that it happened by a white man when I was 9 and 13, before that age, I was molested by a relative, and then when I was 10, there was a white lady " I was 10, understand. I ended up having sexual relations with her for several months."

"At 10?" Kathleen asks.

"I was 10. By the time I was in high school, I had an affair with one of my teachers " white lady " so by then, my whole thinking toward sexuality was totally skewed. I'm just saying it to say, while you've been violated by a black guy, I was violated by a white woman. So when Dr. Phil says we're here for a reason …"

"There are no mistakes," Melissa says.

Later, Kathleen says, "I think I connected with Wade when he told his story about being raped. I felt hurt."