Exhibitionists: Tammy

Exhibitionists: Tammy

"I caught my husband taking pictures of me topless to post on this Internet group," says Tammy, who is using an alias. "My husband was giving me a neck message, and he began to take off my

bra, so I shut my eyes and was just enjoying it. I could feel him taking one hand away, and I could hear a small sound, and I thought I saw a flash. I asked my husband, ‘What was that?' He said it was nothing, so I played dumb. I waited until he fell asleep so I could sneak in and get the phone off of his nightstand. That's when I found multiple pictures of me nude, topless, getting dressed, getting undressed." Tammy discovered pictures of other naked women as well. "There was one picture of a woman that was a full-nude body shot, and you could tell she did not look happy in the picture. The e-mail that went along with that picture said, ‘I begged my wife to take these pictures, and she finally agreed to let me take them, so I'm sending them all to you. Please enjoy,'" she recalls. "It took all of my air, all of my breath out of me. I just couldn't take what I was seeing. 

 

"I woke [my husband] up by throwing the phone at him. He was speechless.

When I confronted him, I was crying. I was screaming," she remembers. "My husband finally did admit that he did indeed send pictures of me nude on the Internet. I didn't know what to do. It knocked the wind out of me. I just cried. I was so destroyed, so devastated and humiliated. I wanted to throw up."

 

Tammy joins the show via phone, and Dr. Phil asks her, "What is your thought, your feeling, your reaction to this at this point?"

"I'm not as shocked as I was. I don't know that I'm angry over this yet. I'm still kind of numb, I guess," she says. "I don't know what to do at this point. My main concern was to get this Web site shut down." 

 

"Have you been to the Web site to see what was up there of you?"

 

Tammy says she can't log on because, "You have to be invited by a member who was already there."

Dr. Phil reads the Web site's rules for membership. "It says, ‘Interested in discretely trading wife pics to other husbands for those of their wives? We do this in secrecy, out of respect for our wives, yet our wives have no idea!' And it goes on to say that you have to submit at least one clear picture of your wife unclothed, clearly showing her face, and three other pictures of her fully dressed," he says. "How do you feel about that?"

Tammy explains that at first she was under the impression that her face was not shown in any of the pictures, but then she discovered that wasn't the truth. "He tried to justify it by saying that there were different angles and you really couldn't see my whole face, or it wasn't good pictures of my face, but I clearly think if someone remotely close to me saw that picture, they would definitely know it was me," she says. "It's frustrating, it's scary, it's embarrassing, it's awful."

 

"When you figured this out, and he finally 'fessed up, what did he say?" asks a dumbfounded Dr. Phil.

"He didn't really have a whole lot to say," she says. "He told me that he had hoped to quit, and he had prayed that he could quit. I honestly think he was hoping to quit and no one would have ever found out."

"Did you promptly and without delay kick that boy's ass to the curb?" Dr. Phil asks.

"I tried," she says. "He eventually left the next day."

"So, he's gone," Dr. Phil repeats.

"He is gone, but now he is back in the house for the kids' sake, but we are not in the same bedroom. We are not husband and wife in that sense at all," she explains.

A shocked Dr. Phil asks, "Are these the only lies that he's told you?"

"I'm hoping so, but I don't know," Tammy says.

"Has he been looking at pornography?" Dr. Phil probes.

"He's been looking at pornography for the last five years."

"Did he tell you he'd quit that?"

"Five years ago, when I found this out to begin with, he had told me he quit. We went and saw a marriage counselor. We thought everything was good, and even after that, our marriage seemed to get stronger," she says. "I assumed everything was done. I didn't really check up on him."

"This isn't isolated deception," Dr. Phil points out. He asks Tammy why her husband wouldn't appear on the show.

"He, at first, said he would, but then the more I thought about it, the more I didn't know if that was the right thing to do," she says. "I really just wanted to expose the site, and I really just want to try to do whatever I can to repair myself."

"You told him, ‘It's either divorce or Dr. Phil,' and he took divorce,'" Dr. Phil says.

Tammy confirms.

"We know that he snuck around and took pictures of you so he could post it up for other men to look at, and he did that in exchange for the opportunity to look at other women who were also hijacked," Dr. Phil says. "We know he was involved in pornography, and we know that w

hen you said, ‘If you're sorry about all this, you need to come deal with me as your wife, to do something that I think is helpful here,' he said, ‘I believe I'll just punch out.'"

"I think he just didn't want to be bombarded by everyone," she says. "I think he feels bad, and I've seen the look on his face."

 

"There's a point at which you need to stand up for yourself and say, ‘You know what? I'm done with this guy. He has been totally, totally exploitive. He has demeaned me, and he has degraded me,'" Dr. Phil says. "I'm hearing in your voice that you're starting to waffle."

"I don't think that I've hit the angry stage, and once I hit that, then he's probably not going to want to be real close to me for a while," she says.



"This guy clearly needs some help. You don't do this to your wife," Dr. Phil says. "This, to me, is just a form of rape, and I think you need to take this real seriously." He recommends that Tammy not reconcile with her husband. "I hope you stand your ground and don't let him back in your life unless he gets some professional help."

"I told him that I would not even work on the marriage until counseling had been going on for quite some time, but I also wouldn't file for divorce until he got some help," she says.

"Best of luck to you. I hope you stick to your guns," Dr. Phil tells her.