Explosive Anger: Carrie and Bob

Explosive Anger: Carrie and Bob

"I do love Bob. He is a good person, and I see the good side of him, but his anger does come out of

nowhere," says Carrie, of her husband of three years. "Things will send him over the edge when he really should just be able to get over it." 

 

Bob recognizes that his quick temper has become a problem. "I can literally go zero to 60 like that," he says with a snap of his fingers. "I don't have any sense of how angry I get at all. It just happens."

 
Driving is an especially aggravating activity for Bob. "As soon as I get behind the wheel, I get tense." He swears, yells, flips off people and calls them names. "Somebody got up behind me, flying, and I just hit my brakes. 'There you go.

How do you like my bumper?' And then gets out [and asks], ‘What are you doing?' ‘Well, what the f*** are you doing riding my ass?'"

 

"Bob doesn't have that filter at all," Carrie says. "What comes to mind instantly comes out of his mouth."

 

Bob's fiery tongue has gotten him into trouble at work. "I've literally told managers over me to take their head out of their ass," he recalls. 

 

Bob is quickly set off by being called ignorant. "I tend to just punch them. I mean, literally like that. I don't even have a

reaction that comes out. It's just, like, swing. 'You're ignorant.' Swing. Boom. ‘You're down. Now, who's ignorant, motherf***er?'" he says of his fights. He even punched Carrie's father for calling him ignorant.

 

"It didn't turn into a major brawl, but just the fact that it ever got physical terrified me," Carrie says of Bob and her dad's fight. 

Bob's temper has also landed him in prison. "My friends see me go from talking sh** on the pool table

to where I just went, boom," he says. He punched a man in his temple, causing the man's eye to pop out of his head and hang by his optical nerve. Bob spent two years behind bars as punishment. "This primal urge comes over me to just be aggressive. I can't stop it."

 

Bob has even lashed out against a tree. "The other day, I'm out here working on the landscape. A tree branch smacks me in the face. I got the saw out, and I started cutting branches off the f***ing tree, becaus

e it ain't going to smack me in the face no more, because there aren't going to be no more branches on the motherf***er,'" he says.  

 

Carrie worries about her future with Bob. "He's going to get himself killed. I don't think he knows what he's up against sometimes. He thinks he can take on the world," she says. "I see myself having to lea

ve Bob if he doesn't learn how to contain his anger."

 

Bob wants to change so Carrie won't give up on him. "I'm scared to death to lose Carrie. She's my soul mate. I met her, and I knew she was the one," he shares. "I'm willing to do anything to get my anger under control." 

"Why do you think you're this way?" Dr. Phil asks Bob.

"I just have a lot of aggression," Bob says. "I think it's a lot of pent up B.S. throughout the time of my life that I've just pushed down, and pushed down and pushed down. I have pushed it down for so long, that it's just the on

ly reaction I know to any feelings I get."

"You're aware that you're really tightly wound inside," Dr. Phil says to him. "Do you know from what?"


Bob explains that he didn't have an ideal upbringing. "My dad was very aggressive, very angry man. A very good man, too, at the same time," he says. "In life, sometimes I feel like I just haven't had a fair shake sometimes, so I just get angry at that."

"You say you actually black out sometimes. You don't even remember what's there," Dr. Phil notes.



"Exactly," Bob says.

"How do you feel about that," Dr. Phil asks Carrie, "that he can actually check out, get violent and not even know what's happened?"

 

"It scares me," she says. 

 

"You said you'll do anything to avoid a problem, but on the tape, I saw you chasing him out the door," Dr. Phil says. "At another time in the interview, you said, ‘I actually won't leave it alone. I will keep talking. I'll keep pushing.'"

"Yes," Carrie admits.

Addressing Bob, Dr. Phil says, "You said your number one trigger is you don't like being called ignorant. Are you?"

"I am not, but I know some of the actions that I have done are ignorant," he says.



"It's odd to me that you would choose that offense to be so triggered by, when you do realize the self-destructive nature of what you're doing," Dr. Phil says.

"The problem is, I don't realize that until usually after it happens."

Bob has even attacked another man with a baseball bat. "You get the fact that when you take a baseball bat after somebody who owed you money, that's premeditated," Dr. Phil warns. "That's a multi-step process that doesn't have anything to do with blacking out in rage. That's just giving yourself permission to do whatever you think you need to do to get whatever you think you're entitled to."

"I agree," Bob says.

"You actually have an expectation in your life that everything is supposed to revolve around you," Dr. Phil says.

"I'm very selfish," Bob admits.

 

"Are you a danger to your wife?" Dr. Phil asks.

"Yeah, I am," Bob acknowledges, "because it does affect her mentally, but physically, no."

"How can you have blackout rage, where you don't even know what you did, and not be a physical danger to your wife?" Dr. Phil probes.

 

"I won't get physical with a female because of the B.S. that my mom went through," Bob says. "My dad shot at her, shot our family pets. He would get angry, and he would go into these rages."

"What's this doing to you?" Dr. Phil asks Carrie.

"It doesn't meet my needs," she says. "I don't have a person to go to when I don't feel well, when I have concerns, when I have stress. Because I'm afraid that if I say something, he will take it the wrong way."

"Why do you put up with this?" Dr. Phil asks. "You knew this before you married him, then you married him, and it's a constant thing."



The night before the taping, Bob was mad about the flight layover at the airport, said he wouldn't participate in the show and threatened to divorce Carrie, although he doesn't remember saying that.

 

"How do you not remember that?" Dr. Phil asks Bob. Turning to Carrie he asks, "Do you get tired of this?"

 

"Yeah, I do," she replies. "He's not this way 24 hours a day. He is committed to me. He does love me. I know that, and I don't really expect anyone else to understand that, but it has pushed far enough that if it's not resolved, I have to leave."

"Unless and until he does what he needs to do, you are in danger," Dr. Phil tells Carrie. To Bob he says, "I don't think you would intend to hurt your wife … but I don't think you trust yourself fully, and if you do [trust yourself], you shouldn't because of the blackouts."

Dr. Phil shows Carrie and Bob a video of Linda, a former guest on the show, to point out what can happen if

extreme rage goes unchecked. "The perpetrator of domestic violence in this situation, I cannot tell you the parallels between his descriptions and his behaviors and that which you're living with," he tells Carrie. This man said he blacked out and had never hurt a woman until he shot his fiancée.

After the video, Dr. Phil asks Bob, "What would it do to you if one minute you blacked out, and the next minute you had hurt her that way?"

"I'd probably kill myself, because I don't want to hurt her," Bob says. "That would be, like, the worst thing in the world. I love her with all my heart. I would not want to hurt her."

"I do think you're wound very tightly inside, and I think this is a result of a lot of things that have happened in your life," Dr. Phil tells Bob. Bob's dad passed away in a fire when he was 11 years old. Bob was in the fire as well, but he was able to get out unharmed. "I know you ask yourself, probably every day, if you should have gone out that window or you should have stayed and tried to help your father. That's a tough thing to ask yourself every

day. True?"

"True, very tough," Bob says.

"You just kind of said, as an 11-year-old boy, ‘The world just sucks,'" Dr. Phil continues. "Nobody really ever helped you unravel all that. Did they?"

"No," Bob replies.

"And isn't it true that since that time, you've had a chip on your shoulder?" 

"Yeah," Bob admits.

"'The world sucks. I don't like the way they think. I don't like the way they act. I don't like the way they do, and I'm going to get them before they get me. And the best protection I can have is to bristle up in anger, because that way they can't hurt me, because I'll hurt them first.' Everybody has a philosophy of life; that's yours," Dr. Phil says. He tells Bob that he displays cognitive rigidity. "You have an expectation that the world is supposed to revolve around you. That's why you have road rage." With this type of thinking, a person is guaranteed to be violated. "It's not what happens in life that upsets people, it's violations of what they expect to happen that upsets people," Dr. Phil explains. "Your expectancies are violated every minute of every hour of every day, because you have decided that this world is supposed to revolve around you."

Dr. Phil continues. "This idea of ‘Get them before they get me,' is meant to protect you, right? It is the biggest threat in your life, because you're getting [Carrie] too," he tells Bob. His actions are daily tests for Carrie that she is expected to pass. "One of these days, soon, she's going to say, ‘No, you're not going to leave me, because I'm going to leave you,'" Dr. Phil warns.

Dr. Phil mentions that Bob could be biochemically out of sync because he has been so anxious and angry for a long time.

"There's a real good chance that you have a lot of metal toxicity because of some of the jobs that you have done, and this behavior is many times more prevalent in people who have metal toxicities than those who don't," he explains.

Dr. Phil introduces Dr. Frank Lawlis, chairman of the Dr. Phil Advisory Board. "Dr. Lawlis has what I believe to be the cutting edge diagnostic clinic in America " The Lawlis Peavy PsychoNeuroPlasticity Center," he tells Bob. The center performs an array of tests to find out what's going on inside a person.


"I think he has a multi-level problem, and one thing leads to another, and we need to unravel that," Dr. Lawlis explains.

"I'm going to offer to send you to Dallas," Dr. Phil tells Bob, "and let them start unraveling this ball of yarn, because I think you can take that energy, and I think you can turn this around. And the good news is I think you can turn this around pretty quickly." He asks him, "What would it mean to you to be able to just let that anger go and take a deep breath for once in your life?"

"It would probably be the most wonderful feeling in my life," Bob says, tearing up.

 

"Will you take this help I'm offering?" Dr. Phil asks.

"Definitely," Bob says. "I want to hear what's wrong with me. I want to hear what will help me fix that."

Carrie says she believes Bob will do the work. "I do think he's sincere. I hope with all my heart he follows through," she says.