Extreme Envy: De Asa
Dr. Phil talks to a woman says her sister looks better and has a better body -- and they're twins!

"All my life, people have been jealous of me," says De Asa. "I'm slim, healthy, ambitious and generous."

 

She says many people are irked by her accomplishments. "At age 33, I became the CEO of an organization ... I was invited to the White House by President George W. Bush. I've been in local and national newspapers, publications and Web sites, including on the cover of a local magazine with Oprah Winfrey," she says. "This sent some jealous people over the deep end: 'Why does she always have to be in the newspaper? Why is she always on television?' People will probably even be jealous of me for appearing on the Dr. Phil show."

 

De Asa says that her looks and personality have caused problems for her at work. "I was once forced to leave a job because my female boss could not take all of the attention that I received," she reports. "I've also had men who were jealous of me because of my professional achievements."

 

She says she's tired of having to downplay herself just to make others feel good. "Why can't people just get to know me before they judge me?" she asks. "Dr. Phil, how do I handle everybody being so jealous of me?"

"So what do you think you do to make people jealous?" Dr. Phil asks De Asa. "Do you think it's because you can't hide being wonderful? Or do you think that it's not something you do, it's just their pettiness?"

 

"I think I'm highly spiritual and I have a very positive outlook on life and I'm confident and ambitious," she replies. "I'm very focused on what I want to accomplish in life and I go for it."

 

"Are you showy? Are you flamboyant?" Dr. Phil questions. "You sure have your picture taken a lot."

 

De Asa explains that her job keeps her in the public eye. "I'm not flamboyant. I'm just myself. I happen to be a little trendy, so maybe I'm not the average person walking around on the street as far as my looks, so I might stand out a little bit more than somebody else," she says.

 

Dr. Phil questions, "So why do you worry about it then?"


"It's not so much that I worry about it, but in fact, if you're in a work environment and you have a task or a goal that you're trying to accomplish and you're on a team with people who are acting in an envious or jealous manner, that can be an inhibitor to winning or completing the task."

"Are you afraid they are going to resent you and sabotage you sometimes?" Dr. Phil probes.


De Asa agrees. "People have resented me and probably there has been sabotage," she says.

 

"Do you think you engage people in a way that puts them off?"

 

"If I have, it's been unknowingly," she replies. "I'm very outgoing and I want to get along and I want to make sure there's harmony."

 

"I think everybody makes a statement in the way they present themselves to the world," Dr. Phil explains. "What's the statement you make when you come in to a relationship, a room, a work group, whatever?" Dr. Phil asks.

 

"I'm here!"

 

"I think we make more of a statement than just, 'I'm here,'" Dr. Phil says. "Do you ever wonder what people say about you when you're not around? That's your statement ... People dress and present and engage people in a way that makes a statement, and you've got to own that statement."

"If you're getting push back from people — if you're getting people that kind of resist your presence, your leadership, your here-ness, whatever it may be — you've got to say, 'Is this working for me?'" Dr. Phil says. "If they're trying to bring you down, there must be something you're doing that's threatening."

 

"Possibly."

 

"That doesn't mean that what you are doing is wrong; it just may mean they are easily threatened," Dr. Phil says. "But if it happens so many places you go, and the common denominator is you, then you might want to think about how to help them accommodate to who you are."

 

Dr. Phil explains that the number one need people have is acceptance. "If you make them feel good about who they are, they'll follow you anywhere. They'll pitch in. They'll work hard," he says. "So maybe instead of saying, 'I'm here,' what you might want to say in your statement is, 'You're here, and I'm glad you are.' And if you do that, you might get a completely different response."