Family First: Follow-Ups: DrPhil.com Exclusive

DrPhil.com Exclusive
Dr. Phil follows up with two families whose households were in complete chaos.
Dr. Phil joins John and Devon backstage after the show to answer John's question about how to get their sons under control.

"Look, I think you do this in an escalated way," says Dr. Phil. He tells John, "The first thing you do is sit down with them and I personally would recommend that you do it just you and the boys. Because this is kind of a man-to-man conversation. You just need to say, 'Boys, I haven't given you the guidance that I need to here. I've let you get into some bad habits here and I've probably had kind of a disrespectful mouth myself at times. But it's absolutely wrong and you're not being a man when you bully a woman. You're being a coward and it doesn't make you big, smart, cute or funny. That is a bad thing to do. It's a cowardly thing to do. And your sister is struggling with some things right now and you guys are not helping. You're hurting the situation. So I'm going to ask you to stop doing that. And I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that you're going to stop doing it. Because we don't think it's funny, we don't think it's cute and it's not alright with Katie, it's not alright with your mother. It's not OK for me to do it and it's not OK for you to do it.'"
Dr. Phil continues: "You need to sit down and have that serious conversation with them. And I would have that conversation soon and I would have it often. I would sit back down on a Friday evening or a Saturday morning and say, 'Boys, I want to refocus on this. I want to get us back to it. We're not being good men when we do this. We're not being the men we need to be, we're being cowards.' And I would refocus on that on a regular basis.

"If they then don't comply, if John continues to run his mouth and rebel against it, then his whole world has to fall apart. I would then, at that point, take every single luxury, every single convenience, every single thing in that child's life out of his life. I would strip his room, I would strip his closet, I would strip his toys, his games, his privileges, everything. You are fighting for this kid's life, you are fighting for your daughter's life. And I would make him earn his stuff back. If he's going to behave like a punk, then he needs to live like a punk. And if he turned and bad-mouthed my wife, if I were you, that would end right there. There is no way in this world that you can feel good about yourself if you've got him or anybody else bad-mouthing your wife. That's just not OK. You've got to make that clear."
"Does that sound OK?" Dr. Phil asks Devon.

Devon says it does, but argues that John Jr. always gets his way with John Sr.

"Well, why don't you believe in and support him instead of saying, 'He won't do it, he never does'?" Dr. Phil asks. "You can live looking over your shoulder, or you can live looking forward."

"As a parent, sometimes it's just easier to push that stuff under the carpet," explains John.

"Sure it is. But then pretty soon the carpet's got a pretty big lump under it. And that's where you guys are now. You've got a bunch of stuff built up here. But that's what I mean about commando parenting. And then you'll get it back under control and you can look back on this six months from now, and say 'My gosh, what we've missed all that time."

Dr. Phil turns to Devon, "Have a little optimism, Mom!"

"I will. I'll support you," she tell John.

"His heart's in the right place. He's on the Dr. Phil show! That ought to get him all kinds of credit!"