Dr. Phil asks Andrew what his payoff is for being a flake.
Andrew explains that he is worried people have high expectations of him and sometimes the
Dr. Phil questions, "You say the standard is too high. Like showing up for your anniversary dinner? I mean how steep is that hill?"
"I tend to forget things too. If I don't write it down, I can get distracted really easy," Andrew replies.
"You've made a commitment here. She's counting on you. You wearing her out. You're wearing you out, and you think that's easier than meeting your commitments?" Dr. Phil asks.
"It's automatic. I don't know if it's easier," Andrew says.
Dr. Phil asks Debbie for her thoughts.
Dr. Phil confronts Andrew about being selfish, immature and unreliable. "Does it matter to you that that puts a burden on her?"
Dr. Phil asks Andrew where Debbie and the kids fall on his priority list.
"It varies," Andrew tells him. "They're high, but sometimes I just get really focused on something and I just let other stuff in my life fall apart because I want to get one thing done."
"What do you hear out of all of that?" Dr. Phil asks Debbie.
"Does that make you feel really loved and treasured and valued?"
"No," she replies.
Dr. Phil explains to Andrew that he is sending a message with his behavior. "Isn't there some point at which you've got to grow up and say, 'I've got responsibilities now. I'm a husband. I'm a father. I'm a provider. I've got to plug in here and be predictable and responsible'?" he asks.
"It scares me to death," Andrew tells him.
Dr. Phil tells Andrew and Debbie that there needs to be a penalty for Andrew's behavior. "There is a lever somewhere. You either have to be mature enough to step up and say, 'You know what? It's time to grow up and plug in here and quit doing what's easy for me at the expense of my wife and children,' or if he won't do that, then you've got to find a lever, whatever it is he values has to be contingent upon him behaving more responsibly. If he's going to act like a child, then you've got to treat him like one," he suggests.