Fixing the Feuding Family: Carole and Jay
Dr. Phil gets in the middle to settle some family feuds.Jay and Carole's older brother, Bruce, died in a car race in 1972. Dr. Phil asks Carole, "Do you blame him for your brother's death? Be honest."

"Absolutely, 100 percent not!" says Carole. "Never. Jay has told me a million times that he felt responsible for my brother's death." She looks at Jay and puts a hand on his arm. "And every time I've said to you that you had nothing to do with it ... I have no idea why my brother died. God made a decision at that moment in time that Bruce should be taken away."

"So you don't hold resentment toward him because he changed the seat in the race car?" Dr. Phil asks. "Even at a subconscious
level, you don't resent him for that? I'm not saying you do, I'm asking because I've seen e-mails you provided that certainly suggest to me that this is a painful, unresolved thing for you."

Carole reads the e-mail that Dr. Phil is holding in his hand. "'You hate yourself, Jay, telling me many times you think you killed Bruce. Maybe you did, I don't know.'"
"'Maybe you did, I don't know,'" repeats Dr. Phil. "That doesn't sound very supportive."

"First of all, that e-mail didn't get sent," clarifies Carole.

"I know it didn't. You provided it to us because you said that is exactly how you currently feel."

"The way I currently feel is that my brother was wonderful, important, he was the love of my life. I loved my brother. He was the closest thing on earth to me. I have cried more tears over his death, Dr. Phil, than anybody needs to," says Carole.
Carole and Jay both gave their thoughts about Bruce's death in an interview. Dr. Phil plays back their interviews.

"I think the issues with my sister really began after my brother died 30 years ago," says Jay. "Bruce and I were into automobile racing and I was with him in a race when he was killed. Another car ran into the back of Bruce's car. He died instantly. I've always felt that somehow my sister held me partially responsible."

"I have never, read my lips, never blamed Jay for my brother's death," says Carole. "Jay felt he was responsible for Bruce's death because there was a clip on the roll bar. He felt that he shouldn't have put the clip there. His neck hit the clip and it severed his medulla. That's what killed Bruce. How my brother died, only God knows. And maybe Jay."

On stage, Carole is crying. "I miss my brother so much. And no one knows. No one's ever asked me how I feel," she says.

"So how do you feel?" asks Dr. Phil.

"I feel sad," she cries. "He was the only person who liked me as a kid. My mother hated me."

Sylvia wipes tears from her eyes.
"Look over your shoulder," Dr. Phil tells Carole. She sees a photo of her brother, Bruce. "This is your brother. And you miss him so badly and it is so painful. Then why do you set your life up to take your other brother out of your life?"

"I never have, Dr. Phil. He's the one who hasn't spoken to me!"

Dr. Phil's not buying it. "Have you spoken to your brother in the past three years?" he repeats.

"Because he won't talk to me!"

"You are not a victim!" Dr. Phil tells her. "You have the ability to do what you want to do in this relationship. You have lost one brother. And then you're going to get mad over some money and not talk to your brother for three years?"

"No, I'm here because I want us to talk."
Dr. Phil turns to Jay. "Do you carry guilt about the death of your brother?"

"Sure I do. Yeah," he says.

"I feel bad for you. You shouldn't," says Carole, putting her arm around him.

"Nobody really understood what happened, why Bruce died, so I did my own investigation," explains Jay. "I figured out exactly what happened. I remember when we were building that car, Bruce and I had a discussion about buying a high-back seat or a low seat. And the low seat was like half the price of a high-back seat and he said, 'It's OK, we'll just build a head restraint.' And we made a choice to buy the low seat. If we would've bought that high-back seat, Bruce would still be alive today."

"Look, life is all about intention," Dr. Phil tells him. "You did what you did in concert with your brother, you did it in good faith, you made your decision. You never had a shred, a molecule of ill will or animosity or disregard for his safety."

Jay explains that after a few years of mourning, he finally came to terms with his brother's death. "I looked myself in the mirror and said, 'Wait a minute. I didn't want my brother to die.'""Regardless what anybody might say or think, you don't own that death," says Dr. Phil.

"No, I don't own that death. Not anymore."

Dr. Phil asks Carole, "Do you get and understand that you are carving your brother out of your life?" To Jay: "And you are carving your sister out of your life over presumably some money here."

"I totally get it," says Carole. "That's the reason why I'm so upset."

"Do the two of you children understand the pain you are causing your mother to see you two fractured and divided over this?" Dr. Phil asks. "She's 84 years old. Let me tell you something. At 84 years old, she deserves the peace of knowing that her family is unified and intact. She deserves having that state of mind and that peace."

The audience applauds."This family needs a hero," says Dr. Phil. "This family needs somebody who steps up and says, 'I will be the bigger one. I will close this gap.'"

When Carole says she wants to be that person, Dr. Phil tells her, "You have to stop and ask yourself: If you lost your brother, if Jay walked out of here, had a heart attack and fell over dead, what would be left unsaid?"

Carole starts crying.

Dr. Phil turns her toward her brother. She speaks to Jay. "I love you and I don't understand why you allow yourself to just push me away. Because you think that you don't owe money. Why didn't you just talk to me? I feel like you just don't like me and I don't know what to do anymore."

"In a perfect world, if you could write the script of life, what is your relationship with her?" Dr. Phil asks Jay.

Jay speaks to his sister. "That we would be brother and sister again, Carole."

"Do you mean that?" asks Carole.
"Talk to her Jay," Dr. Phil tells him. "You are at a crossroads right now."

"I'd like to have a really good relationship with you, Carole. I'd like to be close again. I love you, Carole. You're my baby sister."

"Tell her what you miss," prompts Dr. Phil.

"I just miss being with you, being in your home. Spending time with you," says Jay. "I don't know why all this happened. I'm sorry for my part that I've played in it."

Dr. Phil comes up with a plan. "I want you two to agree to spend time together and I want you to agree that under no circumstances will you discuss this money issue for 90 days." Dr. Phil predicts that they will find some middle ground on the money issue after 90 days. But in the meantime, they are to spend time together as brother and sister.

They both agree and hug.

Dr. Phil tells Sylvia to keep him posted if they don't hold up to the agreement because he'll "open a can of whoopass!"