Follow-ups: Michelle

Follow-ups: Michelle

 

Michelle appeared on the show because she wouldn't allow her daughter to play with children who weren't visually appealing. Immediately after the show, Michelle had some more words with Dr. Phil.

"I am not the monster that you made me out to be," she tells him. "In my warped sense, if she hangs out with a good crowd, she will just have an easier time in life."

"You do understand that if there is a group in this world that on average probably have the lowest self-esteem in the world, it would be the models and supermodels and people who live at that level where it's all about appearance?" asks Dr. Phil.

"I would agree with that," she says. 


Now, Michelle says, "I still get bent out of shape when I watch the show from last time and feel that I was vilified. When I saw myself through Dr. Phil's eyes, I didn't like what I saw. Dr. Phil nailed me. When Dr. Phil said, 'Just stop,' it didn't make any sense to me at the time, and then one day I just got it. I've watched that segment probably 25 times. Now, I look at myself and think, 'How dare I ever think that about any children because they're all so precious.' I just am ashamed of myself.


"Since the last show, I've not guided my child as to who she can and can't play with. However, it has been difficult. When I see an unattractive person, I hate to say it, but I still believe that they probably don't have a whole lot going for them. Dr. Phil, I took your advice, and I just stopped, but I still have those thoughts in my head. How do I change the way that I think?"

 

"You said I was hard on you?" Dr. Phil asks Michelle.

"Well, yeah, I felt like I was the only person who's ever done this," she says. 

"No, you were the only person here who's done it," he responds. 

"But you were supposed to tell everyone, 'You've all done it. You've all done it. She's not the only one,' but you didn't say that. It was just me, and your audience gasped in horror at one point, and I was like, 'Oh, my God,'" she says. 

 

"What did you really think I was going to say?" he asks.

"You were going to lean into me and you were going to say, 'Michelle, you're a well-intentioned mother, just horribly misguided.' That's what you were going to say to me," says Michelle. 

 

Dr. Phil leans in. "Michelle, you are a well-intentioned mother, and you being back here today is further proof of that. You're just seriously misguided. Now, you've stopped making the choice to guide your child to just the beautiful people. Now you need to make the choice to stop allowing yourself to think that beautiful people are better people. There are beautiful people who are wonderful people, but it isn't because they're beautiful. There are people who are stereotypically less attractive who are wonderful people, but it's not because they're stereotypically less attractive. That has nothing to do with it."

 

"But, here's the thing though," says Michelle, "I had a specific point in my life where I went from being just ugly and outcast, [to where] my life dramatically improved when I was surrounded by a group of beautiful friends. I didn't know anything else but that if you hang out with a crowd of beautiful kids, you're going to make it through 12 brutal years of school unscathed and with your self-esteem intact. That's what I believed. That's what I know."


"That was wrong," says Dr. Phil. "I guarantee you, there are a lot of those kids who are in the in crowd, they're the beautiful people, who are just jerks. And there are a lot of them that just so happen to be beautiful who are wonderful, caring people. And it doesn't have anything to do with the wrapper ... If you take your child to the doctor, or you go somewhere where you're relying on someone to contribute something to your life, you're not going to care how they look. If you've got a brain surgeon saving your daughter's life, do you care how they look? Of course you don't. You care that they care, that they're motivated, that they're devoted. You just need to keep re-choosing at a deeper and deeper level every step of the way."