How to Negotiate Anything: Chad, Alicia

Hobby vs. Girlfriend

"Sunday is a man's day to sit down and watch football," Chad says.

"Well, Sunday is our only day together," Alicia argues.

"What's one day three months out of the year? I start with pre-game. I need that morning game, I need the afternoon game and that evening game. I'm not even asking for that Monday night," he says.

"And I get kicked out of the living room, to go in the bedroom to watch TV," she says.

"That's what we have two TVs for," Chad says.

"On Sundays, I don't even matter," Alicia says.

Alicia records Chad on video watching TV and his computer. "Dr. Phil, this is what happens on a Sunday when Chad's watching football: Hey, Baby. Baby …" There is no response.

"I have a passion for football," Chad says. "I just need her to understand the love that a man has for football. Nothing better."

"There's nothing better than football?" she asks with a sly smile.

"Not on Sundays," he replies.

"If he gave me a couple hours out of the day …"

[AD]"A couple hours? I could miss the big play," he says.

"Yeah, but in the end, you're going to know who wins," she says.

"I just don't see myself parting with football. Ever."

"It's starting to feel like football means more than I do," she says.

"I'd like to ask Dr. Phil just what can I do to negotiate this and compromise a solution, so she doesn't feel like I'm just picking football over her," Chad says.

Dr. Phil says there are five principles of negotiation: 

1) Figure out what's important to the other person
2) Figure out how much you can give the other person
3) Figure out what you want and why it's important
4) Ultimatums always end negotiations
5) Never put a time limit on negotiation

"Look, the number one principle of negotiation is to figure out what's important to the other person," Dr. Phil says. "So, how important is she to you?"

"Very important. She's the world to me," Chad says.

"How important is her happiness?"

"Very important. That's what I want is her to be happy " Monday through Saturday," he says.

Dr. Phil laughs.

Alicia says her number one priority is Chad. Dr. Phil asks, "Is it him, or is it you getting what you want?"

"Well, that too," she says, laughing.

"If you want this to work, you need to wake up every day and ask, ‘What can I do today to make her world brighter?'" Dr. Phil says to Chad. "What can I do today to make her feel loved, and desired and all of those things?' And how good would you feel about yourself if you knew you did that to her?"

[AD]"I would feel great," he says.

He asks Alicia, "And you want him to be happy, right?"

"Right," she says, "but at the same time, I think I should get some of his time too."

"But, you know, I just feel that it's three months out of the year, one day a week," Chad says.

"He has a good point," Dr. Phil tells Alicia.

Is Alicia willing to compromise?

 

 

"Negotiating is all about figuring out what the other person wants and how you can give them as much as what they want as you possibly can," Dr. Phil says, turning to Alicia. "What does he want? ‘Well, he loves football, but he loves me, and there's only 16 days a year that he gets a chance to do this. What a gift I will make to him to say you know what? Let me just share that with you, those 16 days a year.' And the rest of the time, maybe your interests, your passion gets number one, and now you guys are sharing in each other's passions. And then, you know what happens when you do that? He looks at you and says, ‘You know what? She's a good egg.'" He asks Chad, "Isn't that how you'd feel about that, instead of resenting her for taking you away from it?"

[AD]"Yes. Exactly," he says.

"And, when you hear him say you are his number one priority, and he wants to share this with you and is willing to watch the morning game and spend the rest of the time with you, doesn't that make you feel good about him?" Dr. Phil asks Alicia.

"Yes, it does make me feel good."

"I know when to quit," Dr. Phil quips.