The Other Woman's Side
Judy, a member of Mistresses Anonymous, explains why she was involved in a 15-year affair with a married man. "He told me he was separated. I didn't know he was married," she tells Dr. Phil.
"You actually divorced your husband to marry this guy," Dr. Phil notes.
â€˜That was my hope, yes."
"But he didn't divorce his wife," Dr. Phil points out. "So you got stiffed. He didn't do what he said, and you did."
Dr. Phil questions Judy's logic. "What's he been telling you that keeps you coming back, not just month after month, but year, after year after year?" he probes.
"When I'm with him, I feel like I'm the best possible Judy I can be," she answers. "But then when he leaves, I feel horrible. So it's like an addiction, I guess."
"You've even tried to help him leave her, correct? You took a naked photo of you and him and put it on her window at work," he notes.
"Yes, I did," she answers. "I wanted the truth to be known. My parents knew I was seeing him. My children knew I was seeing him. I wanted her to know that I was seeing him."
Dr. Phil turns to another member, Deb. "You say that you've dated a lot of married men, right?"
"I've met several, but I would say relationships with two: One over 10 years, and one for about six months," she responds.
"Did you believe also these married men were going to leave their wives and come with you?" Dr. Phil inquires.
"No, my story is a little bit different. I became addicted to him. Like you said, I feel it was a little bit of coercion. I really feel that he had this power over me that I can't explain," she answers.
Sarah, who is the author of Having an Affair? A Handbook for the "Other Woman," says she's been involved with many married men. "I do all of my work for free. My book is currently not in the shops. We just use it as a trade manual for ourselves," she tells Dr. Phil. "I try to expose the lies that married men tell to two women, which is us and the wife. I always say that the mistress and the wife have so much in common, because we're both sharing half of one man, whereas he's getting the best out of two women. We're both with a liar and a cheat, but we both tend to hate each other."[AD]
"You say you have a lot of common with the wives. I think a lot of them might disagree with you about that," Dr. Phil says. "You may have some things in common in that you're sharing a man, but it's their man!"
"If they're so happy at home, why are they coming to us?" Sarah counters. She explains one of her philosophies on dating married men. "If you're going to be involved with a man who is giving you the crumbs of his time, treat him like he's treating you and get something out of it."