Inside the Mind of a Mistress: Lisa

Longing for a Normal Relationship
Dr. Phil speaks with guests about the pain, turmoil and deception that go hand in hand with loving someone who is married to someone else.

Lisa, 41, is single and in a vicious cycle of dating married men. "I think I've shortchanged myself," admits Lisa. "It just makes me sick to think I'm going to grow old and never fulfill my dreams of having a happy marriage, happy life and a happy family. If they X-rayed my heart, all they would see is a bunch of cracks because of all the times it's been broken."


Lisa recorded some of her thoughts in a video dairy:


Lisa: I just want to get better. I want to be happy. I just don't see that happening ...


I'm 41 years old. I can't have kids. To be honest with you, I feel like I'm a lost cause and there's no help ...

Dr. Phil asks Lisa how she manages to fall for married men.


"Well, I don't go looking for it," says Lisa. She explains that they always start off as friends. "And the next thing I know, I catch myself in love and then it's too late. I try to get out of it, but as you can see I'm not doing real well in that category."


Dr. Phil tells her to stop it before it starts. "Just don't do that. Isn't this costing you dearly?" he asks.


"Oh, big time," agrees Lisa. "It sucks." Lisa explains that in the beginning she didn't want a commitment, but she does now. "I don't even know what a normal relationship is like. If I do meet a single guy, he doesn't have a chance because I'll never be able to trust him."


"What do you mean you couldn't trust a single guy?" asks Dr. Phil. "Like you can trust the married guys " they're having affairs with you!"

When they come back from a commercial break, Lisa has tears in her eyes. Dr. Phil tells her that her views are pessimistic. "You can have a normal, healthy relationship with somebody, you just have to build it and be honest and trustworthy with each other about it. I mean, you're writing yourself off and that's not true ... You've got to give yourself a chance. You've got to make a commitment that you'll never, ever deal with another married man again, ever."


Lisa agrees that she's finished with married men, but she feels that she's done so much damage to herself that she'll never find a healthy relationship.


"Look, the only time is now and the choices you make now are what's going to determine what happens in the future. So you can do this now, today," advises Dr. Phil.

Dr. Phil continues: "You have to be willing to take some risks now ... There comes a time when you've got to say, 'Look, I have to do this. This is not right for me; it's not right for them, and I'll never get on the right road if I'm going down the wrong road.'"


Dr. Phil tells Lisa that she doesn't need to jump into another relationship right away. "You can take some time to withdraw from those relationships, get really clear with yourself about who you are and what you want to do, and then you can consider a relationship," he says.