X-Rated Class Clown?

"My husband, Scott, is the X-rated class clown," says Kelly. "He doesn't make me laugh."


Scott enjoys being the life of the party. "I'm wacky, I'm kind of out there," he says. He is puzzled by his wife's reaction to his lifestyle. "It hurts my feelings that Kelly wants me to change. I feel like I'm still the same person she fell in love with."
 
Kelly admits that she was intrigued by her husband's personality, but says things have gotten out of hand. "About three months into the marriage, about the time we bought our bar, is when it exploded. Scott constantly makes crude, inappropriate jokes, and mostly, they're about me," she complains. "We were in a restaurant with a group of people, and conversation about sex started. He launched into an imitation of the noises I make in bed."

Scott thinks that his wife has double standards. "Kelly and I are frequent visitors to a nudist resort. I deejay out there," he reveals. "In one way, she's free and she's daring. In other ways, she's conservative."  

"I'm not a prude by any means," Kelly asserts. "I think it's just because it's nonstop. I am embarrassed."

"He's so focused on sex and appearance," Kelly tells Dr. Phil. "I don't want to be 60, and him chasing some 40-year-old because that's what his focus is."

Addressing Scott, Dr. Phil says, "Is there a line that is too far, and if so, where would it be?"

"There has been a line where even I've said, ‘That was just a little too far to go.' I didn't realize that until she pointed out what those lines were," Scott replies. "They're just jokes. They're harmless to me."

"She has said, ‘I don't want to have sex with him because I don't want to be embarrassed hearing about it the next day,'" Dr. Phil points out.  

"Generally, not true at all," Scott refutes. 

"Do you think that it's appropriate to go out and be sitting at a table with friends, and start mimicking the noises she makes in bed?" Dr. Phil probes. 

"No, it would not be appropriate, but I don't believe I've ever done that. Well, maybe once or twice in four-and-a-half years," Scott says sheepishly.

Turning to Kelly, Dr. Phil says, "You lay in bed thinking about it, and resenting the things that he's said, and it makes you not feel warm toward him."

Kelly admits that Scott embarrasses her at times. "We work together, and people look at him differently. I'm constantly getting comments, ‘What are you thinking? Why are you with this guy?'" she says. 

"I disagree," Scott says.

"That's because they don't say it to you, honey," Kelly teases.

When Scott mentions that he feels like he has to censor himself, Dr. Phil says, "Do you have the right to be who you are and do what you want to do? Of course you do. But is that a license to embarrass your significant other?" he asks. "Then the question becomes: Is she too easily embarrassed?"

"I think she's overly concerned with what other people think," Scott says.

 

"Are you a prude?" Dr. Phil asks Kelly. 

She responds, "No, I don't think so."

Dr. Phil observes that Kelly visits a nudist resort with Scott. "That doesn't sounds prudish to me," he says.

Dr. Phil wants Scott to understand the definition of humor. "It says, ‘The ability to perceive, enjoy or express what is amusing or comical,'" Dr. Phil explains. "I looked up joke: ‘Something said or done to provoke laughter or cause amusement in others.' Not just that you think it's funny. But I would think that the key audience you have is your wife."

"Sometimes, yes," Scott says. 

"You care what she thinks, right?" Dr. Phil inquires. 

When Scott says yes, Kelly makes a sound of disbelief. 

"Which is it: Are you going too far and being insensitive, or is she being too conservative and trying to change who you are?" Dr. Phil asks Scott. 

Scott answers, "Maybe there's a little of both. Again, I don't remember a lot of what I say."

Kelly says that Scott's joking affects more than their relationship. "It affects his integrity as a businessman and as a person," she tells Dr. Phil. "When he's acting like he's 12, you tend to treat him like he's 12."

When Scott acknowledges that he can be a ham, Dr. Phil says, "I think gregarious people are great. I think extroverts are great. I think funny guys are great, but you're a partnership now. Not in your business, in your marriage. She gets painted with your brush. If you do something that embarrasses her, you've created discomfort. Are you more interested in making some guys at the bar laugh, or are you more interested in her being proud to be there as your wife?"

 

"Ouch," Scott says with a laugh.

"If you're really creative, be funny without being offensive," Dr. Phil advises. "I'm wondering if you can dial the content in a different direction, and continue to be gregarious."

 

Scott says, "You made a good point: Do I want to make the other guy laugh, or do I want to make her happy?"


Turning to Kelly, Dr. Phil says, "Give him a chance to live his awareness."