Successful But Flying Solo

"When dating, how do I not flaunt my success while showing that I'm established?" Arianna asks on videotape. "I'm not materialistic by any means, but I've worked very hard so that I can give myself a nice place to live. I love driving a nice vehicle. I like to travel as well. I want to learn how not to be so demanding and so bossy. It scares the guys away, and here I am. Is there any way you can help a girl out? Let me know."

 

Dr. Phil turns to Steve. "Do you think men really get intimidated by successful women?" he asks.

 

[AD]"No, not all," he replies. "You think that if you're successful, you're intimidating to men. There is nothing about you that can intimidate a real man … There are skill sets we have that we know you can't do, no matter how much money you have or how big of a position you have."

 
"Like what?" Dr. Phil asks.
 

"You can't make kids without us. You can't have a family without us. You can't move the refrigerator down the steps. If you can, you're going to have a tougher time finding a man," Steve jokes.

 
Steve explains the difference between intimidation and shame.
 

"Men do like to be the knight in shining armor," Dr. Phil tells Arianna. "If you don't need that, you do take some of his currency away. What you have to do is be able to say, ‘I don't need those things, but what I do need that you can offer is companionship. What I do need that you can offer is to keep my feet warm at night. What I do need that you can offer is somebody to share this trip with, to see this sunset with.' You do have needs. Instead of leading with what you don't need, you can lead with the things you value."


Dr. Phil mentions that Arianna is a self-described commitment-phobe. "You say, ‘They're intimidated because I'm successful,' but the fact is, you've got a pretty long list of what's OK, and if they get really close, you start moonwalking."

 

[AD]"I do," she admits. "How I treat a relationship is like a business plan. It's an investment."

 

Observing that some women are picky when it comes to potential suitors, Steve says, "If you have 100 things on a list, ladies, you need to be 99 of those things yourself."