Mini Mean Girls: Kayla and Haley

Aggressive Sisters?
"I'm a mother of five, and I have two daughters who are concerning me," says Sheila of her children Haley, 11, and Kayla, 9. "I noticed that Haley has been picking on Kayla at the house. She's been verbally and physically abusing her."
 
Haley admits that she bullies her younger sister. "I do tell her she's fat; she's lazy. I say she's a pig. She does nothing but sit around and eat chips," she confesses.
 
"Kayla is also acting up at school, and she's the mean girl at school. She's the bully. She made a little girl give her her Hello Kitty earrings, and if she didn't give it to her, she was going to turn the other students against her. She threatened a child for their chips at lunch," Sheila shares. "How can I stop it now?"
 
Dr. Phil tells Sheila that as annoying as sibling rivalry can be, it's a normal part of growing up. "This is actually going beyond that, true?" he asks.
 
"It's going on, and I don't want it to continue to where it's worse," Sheila replies.
 
[AD]"What's bothering you most?" Dr. Phil inquires.
 
"As far as school, Kayla seems to be bullying people. She's hanging around with the wrong crowd," Sheila answers.
 
"So, are you a bully?" Dr. Phil asks Kayla. When the tween nods, he asks, "Why do you think you do that?"
 
"Because I think it's cool," she answers. "My friends, and all that, they bully kids at school, and they're like the popular kids. I want to fit in with them, so I'll do it too."

Dr. Phil brings Haley into the conversation. "Do you pick on your sister?" he asks.

 

"Yeah, I do, but I don't, like, physically hit her," Haley answers. She admits that she calls her sister mean names.
 
"Do you think it's cool to be mean?" Dr. Phil asks her.
 
"No, sir," she replies.
 
Dr. Phil addresses Kayla. "Do you ever think about hurting somebody else's feelings?" he asks.
 
"I think it's alright," she responds.
 
[AD]"Would you want somebody to make you cry and make you feel bad about yourself?" Dr. Phil probes.
 
Kayla shakes her head, but she says that sometimes her classmates provoke her. "They'll tell me stuff like, ‘Oh, you're dumb and you're stupid.' I'll get mad, so I'll go and pick on them," she says. She admits that she uses the B word and other curse words.
 
"Do you think that's cool?" Dr. Phil asks her.
 
"Well, everybody else says it."
"I've always said to parents: You're not going to be the only voice in your child's ear, so you'd better be the best voice in your child's ear," Dr. Phil says to Sheila.
 
He then asks Haley to finish the sentence: I don't want to be a bully because …
 
"Because it's rude, hurtful and, like, seeing other people get hurt and down, and I'm doing that," she responds.
 
Kayla explains how she'd complete the sentence: "Because it's mean and it makes other people feel bad about themselves," she says.
 
[AD]Haley admits that she's modeling aggressive behavior for her younger sister. "When I bully her, she learns it from me, but I want to stop doing that," she tells Dr. Phil. "I'm seeing her bullying other people; that's why I want to stop."
 
Keep reading to see the wake-up call Dr. Phil has for the siblings!