More Controlling People

Perfectionists and Controllers
Dr. Phil talks to perfectionists and people who feel the need to control others.

Rochelle and John
A lot of viewers remember Rochelle, one of Dr. Phil's most outrageous guests. She wanted to modify her husband John's behavior and told him how to hold his fork, how many sodas he could drink, and how to fold his pants. She even started a notebook of rules for him and kept a calendar on the bedroom wall to keep him in check. "If he wants to have kids with me," said Rochelle, "he needs to fix all of his flaws first."

Dr. Phil asks Rochelle how things are now.

"I can honestly say I thought I was perfect," answers Rochelle. "And now, I know I'm not. And I accept that. Other people are not perfect and I accept that. I have given up the need to control. Now John can drink as much soda as he wants. I've gotten rid of the rule book and the calendar too."

"Before I met Dr. Phil," explains Rochelle, "I said if John and I wanted to have kids, he'd have to fix all of his flaws first. Now, if we have kids, I feel the children would be lucky to have him as a dad ... Phil told me that you can care differently. I care about my marriage instead of caring about all the little issues now."

"Things are a lot better," says Rochelle's husband John. "My quality of life has improved...My advice to all the husbands out there is, if you get a call from Dr. Phil, you really should go."

Mark and Melissa
Melissa says that if her husband and everyone else would just do things her way, the world would be a better place. She doesn't like the way her husband eats, sleeps, hangs the clothes, or feeds the baby.

"When I realize I'm not in control, I have panic attacks," says Melissa. "I fear that my daughter is picking up some of my habits ... I hope that I am not like Rochelle, but when I saw her on TV, I saw things that I do."

Melissa's mom says that although she hates to admit it as a parent, she is intimidated by her own daughter. "I have lupus and feel almost guilty being sick because she's frustrated and impatient about it. It's difficult to be around her. Her negativity sucks the life out of me. It's hard to make her happy."

After talking to Dr. Phil, Melissa admits that her controlling behavior is driven by fear. She is afraid that if she doesn't try to control everything and everyone, she will lose them.

"The need to control is really about you," says Dr. Phil. "It's not about the people you are trying to control. You're doing this because of a need inside of you and your fears."

Kim
Kim previously came on the show because of her perfectionism. She wouldn't let her children's friends over because the house had to be "just right," always parked her car perfectly between the lines, and obsessed over lining up the striped fabric on her futon.

Kim now says she realizes there was a lot of stress that came with being a perfectionist. "It isn't worth it," says Kim.

"I used to park my car perfectly between the lines. Now when I feel stressed out, I purposefully just take two parking spaces," explains Kim.

"I think my perfectionism was a cover-up for deep-seated pain that I hadn't worked through," says Kim. As long as I kept busy cleaning, I didn't have to deal with the pain."

Kim's twin sons, Will and Wayne, say that Dr. Phil would be proud of their mother. She now allows them to have friends over and play. At Dr. Phil's suggestion, the boys thought of something nice they could do for Kim in thanks for all of her hard work. They've decided to take care of mom's high-maintenance cat!