New Year's Resolutions: Kirstin

Mad for Joel Madden

"Joel Madden is the love of my life," says Kirstin, 16, about the frontman for the band Good Charlotte, and the fiancé of Nicole Richie. "Things I love about Joel: His looks, his personality, his voice, his mole, his tattoos and his shortness."

"Her obsession with Joel Madden, it's controlling everything she does," says Kirstin's mother, Carol.

"I would like to be Joel Madden's girlfriend," Kirstin continues. "I would want to have Joel Madden's child. I don't know if I would be able to love someone as much as I love him. When I found out Nicole was pregnant with Joel's kid, it kind of hurt. He said he wanted to wait five years before he had a kid and settled down. Yeah, that was pretty devastating. I am jealous of Nicole," she admits.

"She said that ‘If I ever met him, I would definitely have sex with him.' That's always in the back of my mind because you never know what happens at these concerts," Carole says. "Her goal is to go to college in California, so she could be out there in his area."

Kirstin's bedroom is plastered with pictures of her crush. She enjoys making signs and holding them up at his public appearances. "This past year, I've seen Joel five times," she says. "The day that I was holding the sign was one of the best days of my life because I actually saw him in person for the first time. The sign read, ‘The sound of your voice is close to paradise.' When I see Joel, I actually tell him I love him because I'm not going to hide my feelings. I would give up everything to be with Joel. He's pretty much all I need." Still, Kirstin recognizes the need for change. "My New Year's resolution is to fall out of love with Joel Madden," she says. 

Kirstin tells Dr. Phil she does want to change. "I want to take it down a level," she says. 

"The reason I think it's bad for this to happen is because all the energy you're putting into this fantasy, you're not putting into your real life," he tells her. "You're not dating people. You're not getting involved with other
things. The chances of you hooking up with and having some kind of relationship with this guy is roughly zero, right?"

"Well, I wouldn't say that," Kirstin says slyly.

"So what would you put the percentages at?"

"Kind of 50/50. Anything can happen," she says.

"Oh, bless your heart," Dr. Phil says, patting Kirstin's shoulder. "The problem is it's easy. This is easy for you. You're lazy. You're emotionally, relationally lazy, because what are the demands in a one-sided relationship? Zip, zero, nada, nyet. You don't have to do anything except punch up your keyboard. You don't have to be interesting. You don't have to carry on a conversation. You don't have to take care of yourself and be presentable. You can do nothing in a one-sided fantasy relationship, whereas if you get into a real relationship, you have to engage, you have to carry on a conversation, you have to put something into it, you have to navigate and negotiate the ebb and flow of relationships, and that's important for your development, right?"

"Yeah, but, when I meet him, I have to do all that stuff," Kirstin says.

"Yeah, you've spent how much time, total, actually in his presence?"

"Like, an hour?" she guesses.

"So, you're 16 years old, and you spent less than an hour with this guy in 16 years," Dr. Phil summarizes. 

Dr. Phil turns to Carole. "Mom, you've got to stop enabling this. If I were you, I would go home and make some requirements here," he says. He turns back to Kirstin. "You need to take all those pictures down in your room. You need to stay off of those Web sites. You need to replace him with someone for real. You said you wanted to change this. Get a real relationship. You're going to watch this tape someday, maybe five years from now, and you're going to say to all your friends, ‘Oh, my God, I want to show you when I was on the Dr. Phil show,'" Dr. Phil says, hanging his head in his hands.

Joel has a message for Kirstin: "Hi, Kirstin. I heard you're a big fan of me and my band, Good Charlotte, and I just want to say thanks, but trust me, I'm a very boring boyfriend. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a good guy, but when I'm home and not out where you may be seeing
me, working, doing music, I'm pretty boring. I'm online playing video games. I'm surfing the Internet. And I think that you would probably like my music less if you hung out with me at home, and I bored you to death, so be glad that you're not my girlfriend. Be glad. But thank you for liking our music, and I hope that you get through your New Year's resolution successfully, and I'm rooting for you."

Dr. Phil notices the big smile on Kirstin's face. "What she's sitting there thinking is, ‘He said my name! He said my name! He knows I exist! It just went to 60/40!'" he jokes.