Overweight and Forgotten: Lorna and Blair Abuse

Overweight and Forgotten: Lorna and Blair Abuse

The stress of caring for Lorna takes its toll. Lorna explains, "Blair has physically abused me. I believe Blair hits me because he is physically and emotionally drained."

"I have to give him credit for what he does do, but no man has the right to hit her," Glenice says.

"The more responsibilities I take on, the worse it seems to get for me," Blair admits. "I just say the first thing that pops into my head, and it's always the worst and rudest thing." He has even told her, "I hope you die by morning so I can **** on your grave."

"Then he gets very physical and abusive," Lorna says. "Blair has punched me in the stomach, bitten me, pinched me. He kicks me where my ulcers are."

 

"I lost my temper. I took her hairbrush, and I broke it into pieces over her arm," Blair says. 

Glenice then called the police. "They arrested Blair. They booked him, they charged him, and then because Lorna was so upset that she had to stay alone, they actually let Blair come back home to her place," she says.

"I feel the abuse that Blair shows me is his way of calling out for help," Lorna says. "My family needs to realize, instead of me getting rid of him, they need to help him."

Dr. Phil addresses the unhealthy relationship between Blair and Lorna. Blair admits he abuses his girlfriend. "I'm rude, and I do a lot of negative things, and it's not something I'm proud of, it's not something I want to do. It's just something I'm not sure how to control. That's why I'm doing a lot of programs outside of the home on how to help that," he tells Dr. Phil.

Dr. Phil goes over what Blair has said to Lorna, including, "I wish you would die," "whale," "invalid bitch," "fat," "useless," and "lazy." "What do you say to yourself that this is OK?"

"That's the problem," Blair says, "I don't think about it. I just say it first, and then think about it afterward when it's too late."

Dr. Phil turns back to Lorna. "Do you have a sense of self-worth, a sense of value to yourself, or do you think that you've just lost all of that?" he asks.

"Yes, I've given up on myself," she says.

"I'm concerned that your obesity has become your identity," he tells her.

Dr. Phil turns to Blair, "I don't know why you've allowed yourself to do this. But let me tell you, it ain't nothing but a coward and a bully who will pick on an invalid. I understand you get tired. I understand that you don't have any help. I understand you feel trapped in that situation, and if you can't handle that, then you need to get out."

Lorna comes to Blair's defense. "I can understand where Blair's coming from ... Yes, he does abuse me, or should I say, he has abused me. He's seeking help. He's not going to be able to change overnight, that's obvious, but instead of bashing him, they should be supporting him. He's trying to seek the help that he needs so he doesn't treat me this way," Lorna says.

"But it starts with you," Dr. Phil tells her. "It's about you and what you're OK with." 

Dr. Phil is bothered by the fact that Lorna seems to accept her unhealthy situation. "Lorna, is there a point at which you say, ‘Enough is enough. I'm not going to do it anymore'?" he asks.

"It's not just as simple as that," Lorna says. "People who work, they get a day off. Blair doesn't get any time off, and I'm sure if you had to work seven days a week, 24 hours a day, you would get frustrated too. Before he thinks, he acts out."

"Lorna, I've got about 300 very compassionate people here in this audience that are all simultaneously shaking their heads on the fact that you are defending and justifying the fact that someone is abusing you," Dr. Phil says.

"I'm not defending him. I don't think what he does is right," she says. 

"But?"

"But I'm saying that he needs to be relieved," she says.

Dr. Phil tells her that relief is on the way. "I've arranged for 24-hour-a-day care for you that can come in and do these things. I want to give you some options, but I can't help you if you're not willing to help yourself. I want to bring you medical help. I want to bring you nutritional help. I want to bring you some support. I want to do the things that help you get back in control with your life," he says.

He informs her that Medigas will be supplying her with a lift chair and a bed, which will help her become mobile again and give her back a sense of independence. In addition, nutritionist Robert Reames will be working closely with a doctor in her hometown to help devise the best strategy possible so she can lose weight. She will also receive a personal trainer. "You've got to be willing to say, ‘Dr. Phil, right now, I don't see very clearly. I'm going to follow a plan if you're willing to help me with it, and put one foot in front of the other.' Are you willing to do that?" Dr. Phil asks.

"Yes, I am," she says.

"And it starts with you getting back a sense of self. Your life isn't over ... Are you willing to work with me?"

"Yes, I am," she says.

"Well, give me a smile! Give me something!"  Dr. Phil pleads.

Lorna smiles.

 

Dr. Phil warns Blair, "You need to straighten up because you're number one on my To Do list to get you to stop abusing this woman by either removing you from this situation, or getting you to the point that you recognize that this is a human being who deserves to be treated with dignity and respect."

 

"That's what I wanted," he says.