The Birds and the Bees
Dr. Phil helps guests solve common parenting bloopers.

Paige, who has been following Dr. Phil's "Parenting 101" series, has figured out that her 4-year-old daughter Bayleigh's currency is toys. Following Dr. Phil's advice, she set a rule. "If they weren't picked up after asking to be, they were put in a lock box for her not to play with until she was more responsible."

 

Bayleigh, who works hard to earn her toys back,

recently told her mom that she should call Dr. Phil and tell him to give back her toys.


Dr. Phil introduces Bayleigh and brings her on stage. "I wanted to tell you how proud we are that you've been picking up your toys and doing a good job," he says to her. He asks her why she started doing that.


With some prompting from her mom, she says, "I don't want them in the lock box."


Dr. Phil presents Bailey with a basket full of dolls and Barbies. He asks her, "Do you think you can keep these out of the lock box?"


"Yeah," she says.

Andrea was driving with her two children in the car, when her daughter looked over and saw an explicit porn video being played in another car. Thinking that the man on the screen was hurting the woman, her daughter got upset. "I had to tell my daughter about the birds and the bees," Andrea explains. "I was so upset because I felt that she was way too young." She went to the police station after, but the police said there was nothing they could do. She wants to know, "Dr. Phil,

can my daughter be permanently scarred from seeing the porn video and hearing about the birds and the bees at age 4?"


Dr. Phil tells her that it's an interesting situation, and something most people don't even think about ever happening. He answers her question about a 4-year-old learning about the birds and the bees. "The answer is no. She is not going to be permanently scarred by that."


Dr. Phil aks how their conversation went. "She kept asking me, 'What was that? Why was that man hurting her?' And I was thinking in the back of my head, 'Well I don't want her to think that it's scary,' so I said, 'Sometimes when married people want to have fun, they wrestle around and sometimes they don't have clothes on,'" she explains.


"You gave a pretty good answer," Dr. Phil tells her.

"When children see things, when they experience things in life, either visually or they hear it, they really don't know how to
react to it until adults put it into a context," Dr. Phil tells Andrea. If parents freak out about a situation, that will influence how their child reacts to it. "You do kind of have to be sensitive to what kind of context you put these things in," he says.


As far as explaining sex to children, Dr. Phil says, "This should really be a kind of ongoing conversation across time. If you have a good relationship and they're curious, and they start asking questions, then answer them," he tells her, and when doing so, use age-appropriate language. Up until age 3, children are discovering their own bodies. By the time they turn 5, they start noticing differences among people. "She will react more to your reaction to the situation, than she will to the situation itself," he says.

Andrea tells Dr. Phil that now when they are driving, if someone is watching a video in their car, her daughter will bring up the video again. She wants to know everything, including exactly where the baby comes out. She asks Dr. Phil, "Should I answer them completely honest?"


"If she is curious about that, and I don't think that's triggered by the video ... you need to answer those. That's absolutely OK," he tells her, urging her to stay consistent with her answer. "Don't run from her curiosity ... just answer honestly," Dr. Phil says. He explains that if parents get asked that type of question and panic, it's OK. They should just say, "Let's talk about that later," and not freak out. But they must make a point to have the conversation later.