Relationship Rescue Retreat: Getting to the Truth: Mike and Kimberly

Relationship Rescue Retreat: Getting to the Truth: Mike and Kimberly
Dr. Phil continues his intense workshop with six couples on the verge of divorce.

Kimberly and Mike answer Dr. Phil's three questions in their respective groups.


"What is working in my marriage: Laughter, we laugh a lot," says Kimberly. "Sometimes we communicate." She struggles for more examples. "God, that's so hard, there's a lot of things that aren't working. We're both willing to do whatever it takes to make our marriage work."


Mike tells his group: "What is working well in my marriage: We have two wonderful children that we care more than anything about. The fact that we both showed up for the airplane to come

here says a lot, that we really want to fix this."


They tackle the second question. "What is not working in my marriage," starts Kimberly, "arguing, yelling, screaming, not being honest with each other about exactly how we're feeling. Being scared. Not trusting. Fighting in front of my kids."


Mike says their trust issues stem from questions about whether Kimberly went off the pill without telling him when she got pregnant. He adds, "Me not following through on the stuff I say I'm going to, name-calling to the mother of my children in front of my children."

Mike and Kimberly continue with the third question. "What I intend to confront myself with: I'm not perfect and I don't do this right. I'm just not all that as a wife," says Kimberly. "This isn't just Mike's fault; this is my fault too."


Mike shares, "What I intend to confront myself with while I'm here: My emotional availability to my wife. Work on making 'we' decisions instead of 'I' decisions."


Dr. Phil brings up the circumstances of how Mike and Kimberly met. "The only problem was, you were married," Dr. Phil tells Mike. He turns to Kimberly: "You were the other woman. How does it feel now when his kids refer to you as 'the adulterer'?"


"The truth hurts," she answers in tears.


"Have you ever forgiven yourself for the way this started?" Dr. Phil asks.


"Who wants to do that to another woman?" she asks.


"Do you think that you have a chance in hell of saving this marriage if you don't get at peace with yourself?"


"No."

Kimberly feels betrayed because Mike was really romantic early in their relationship, but is a different person now. She also resents that he works out of town all week while she's left alone with the kids.


"I still want to be the same person I was when we met," says Mike.


"It's all about choices," says Dr. Phil. He asks Mike why he's not making the choice to be the man Kimberly first fell in love with.


"That's why I'm here, to find out why."


Dr. Phil turns to Kimberly: "How alone do you feel?"


"I am alone. I do it all by myself," she replies.


"What would it mean to you if he just reached out to you and said, 'Kim, I got it. Just take a breather. Relax. I got it'?" he asks.


"Oh my God," replies Kimberly. "It would be so nice to just not have the whole thing ..."


Dr. Phil turns her to face her husband. "Tell him. Tell him what that would mean."


"It would be the world to me if I just didn't have to do it all myself," Kimberly tells Mike. "It would mean that you cared enough about me and our family."


"Tell him, 'Don't let me push you away,'" Dr. Phil prompts.


"Don't let me push you away. I've done it my whole life. And I just don't want to do this anymore," she says to Mike.