Relationship Rescue Retreat: Infidelity: DrPhil.com Exclusive

Relationship Rescue Retreat: Infidelity: DrPhil.com Exclusive
Dr. Phil continues his intense workshop with six couples on the verge of divorce.
Dr. Phil returns to the stage to speak some more with Donna. He asks what she thought when she was advising Paul to forgive his wife for her affair.

Donna realized as soon as she gave Paul and Nora advice, "I can't feel what I just told them to feel."

Dr. Phil explains that one of the most difficult people to help are those he calls the "Yeah, but" patients. "You have become the victim wife," he tells Donna. "It's your identity, and if we took that away from you, you'd just be left with Donna. And you've always done that, you've always been the victim ... So this isn't about the affair, you were doing this before he had the affair."

Dr. Phil jokes, "You're like a snapping turtle in Texas. Get a bite, they ain't letting go. She got a hunk of your ass and you've got a life sentence," he tells Vinnie.
"You have to make a decision about that," Dr. Phil tells them. "And if you don't, you need to get out because your daughter is paying the price for your addiction."

He gives Donna a chance to speak her mind. "Just so my psyche remains balanced, I'll give you one 'Yeah, but ...'" he tells her.

"I don't want to give up trying until I know I definitely can't do it, end of story, over with, that's it," she says.

"You can't do it, end of story, it's over with," retorts Dr. Phil.

"Well, we're a family so I want to try to keep us together ""

"No, you're not," Dr. Phil interrupts. "You're not a family. You're just dysfunctional combatants; that's not family. A family has the same agenda, a family moves toward the same thing. A family is a parent, whether a single parent or both, that are fiduciaries for the children, which means they put the children's interests above their own. And you are choosing to live so selfishly that you put your need for attention and to play the victim role ahead of the well-being " physically, mentally and emotionally " of your daughter." The audience applauds. "That's just my opinion," Dr. Phil adds.
"You think there's nothing else as of today that I could do to get over it? Is there not a formula?" Donna asks.

"There are a million things that you can do, you just don't want to," says Dr. Phil.

"It's not easy," says Donna.

"I'm not saying it's easy, only that it's necessary ... You guys can't continue to put your daughter through this," Dr. Phil tells them. "You stop it, or I will. It's just that simple."