Relationship Rescue Retreat: Infidelity: Paul and Nora at Home

Relationship Rescue Retreat: Infidelity: Paul and Nora at Home
Dr. Phil continues his intense workshop with six couples on the verge of divorce.

After the retreat, Nora records a video diary entry after a fight with Paul:

Nora: Paul and I had a huge fight today, and I just wanted to show you what happens when Paul loses his temper. This is the laundry room door, that he punched a hole in, and right here is the busted screen door, and these are the rug burns I got when he threw me to the ground.
Dr. Phil asks Paul and Nora where they stand now, in regards to the affair.

"I've let it go," says Paul. "It's not something that we argue about, or really talk about."

"You feel differently about it, do you not?" Dr. Phil asks.

"Yeah. It's a weight off the shoulders, that's for sure," says Paul.

"You said you used to wake up in the night and just sit there and think about it, and that it consumed you. Are you doing that?"

"No, I used to just go sit at the table for hours because I didn't want to lie next to her," says Paul.

"So, that's progress," Dr. Phil observes. "Would you rather live with that " you said it's a weight off you, a burden off you " would you rather live with that freedom, or would you rather live in the prison that you see her choosing?" Dr. Phil asks, pointing to Donna in the audience.

"Most definitely free," responds Paul.
Dr. Phil points out that Paul and Nora's problems are not over. "And y'all have a busy list. That's one of the things we talked about, and I can't tell you how proud I was of what you two created about that cancer that was growing in this relationship. And the strength and courage that you showed to step up and do that. I mean, it's absolutely inspirational what you've done ... And if that was all that was going on in this marriage, it'd be happy time."

Dr. Phil tells Paul, "You getting physical with Nora is absolutely, unequivocally unacceptable under any rules, under any scenario. It is an absolute drop-dead deal breaker. You cannot have that in this marriage."

Dr. Phil explains the ways in which Nora provokes Paul to keep him fighting with her: "You'll turn up the TV full blast to wake him up, you'll turn on all the lights, pull the covers off him, you open the door so it gets cold, you put your elbow in his back, you actually open his eyes physically " you pry his eyes open!"

Nora sighs, and says, "Yeah."
Dr. Phil turns back to Paul: "That doesn't justify throwing her to the ground or throwing her up against the wall. Look, people get hurt and dead accidentally by that. You are a big, strong guy. And she is very throw-aroundable. Really, you get angry, you do that, and somebody can get hurt here. You're playing with fire here."

Nora is also at fault. "You get enraged and you just stay on him until he breaks," Dr. Phil tells her. "I would not continue to live this way and I'm going to tell you guys, I think we need to do some things to help you. If this continues, you need to separate until this is resolved. You don't need to be living together in this volatile situation. We got busy, and in your own community I've set both of you up for anger management " separately " to talk about some coping skills ... And they will work with each of you individually ... I want that help in your town there because this has to stop. Once again, you've got a child at home. She gets scared about this, there was a quote, 'Is Daddy trying to kill you, Mommy?' Not good.

"You are getting provoked terribly," Dr. Phil tells Paul. "You've got to rise above that. And you've got to stop this," he says to Nora. "We've crossed a big thing off the list. Strange as it may sound, you guys can be OK. We can do this, but this has to stop in the meantime. Will you go to the anger management?"

Both Nora and Paul agree they will go.