Relationship Surprises: Barbara

Second Thoughts

Barbara tells Dr. Phil, "I've never questioned this part of my identity before in my life, and I've gone through a lot of different issues and questioned a lot of other things, so for this to be something I'm questioning is a little troubling."

"Is this something that is an image you have in your mind about ‘I now have a baby, so my maternal instincts are really strong, so I want the picket fence, the mom, the dad, the wagon to the park and all those sorts of things'?" Dr. Phil asks. "Is this a social concept for you? Is it coming from the inside out?"

[AD]"That's kind of what I'm wondering because I want the best for her, and I know that even though I didn't have problems with it growing up, I did struggle with it on a level socially, with my family, friends and stuff like that, so I guess I don't want her to start out with a strike against her in any way," Barbara says. "So, I guess that's what's attractive about it, like you said, the husband, the white picket fence. That's why I'm confused. I'm wondering if it has more to do with what I want for her or maybe a midlife crisis. I don't really know."


Dr. Phil offers his thoughts.

Denise Penn is a clinical social worker on the board of directors for the American Institute of Bisexuality. She was referred to the show by the Gay and Lesbian Alliance against Defamation (GLAAD).


Denise shares what the studies show and gives her advice.


[AD]Dr. Phil tells her, "I think what Denise and I are saying to you is that if you will just relax, and really just focus on your baby, and enjoy that right now and let your body mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, every way, kind of get back into balance. And I would also not want you to make the wrong assumption that this baby can't have a wonderful, fulfilling, nurturing life with a single mother or with two mothers … Right now what we know is that everybody around that child loves the child, nurtures the child, is peaceful with the child and is focused on the child. It can't get much better than that. If you meet a guy and enjoy it, let that develop. It may become a platonic friendship like [Jane] has with Steve now. Let that play out. It's OK. You don't have to be in a hurry. Right now you just need to focus on that little baby who is just about as cute as they get."

"Yeah, thanks," Barbara says.