Rude Teens: Chase and Ronda

Rude and Disrespectful

"Chase can be extremely rude, and he can be extremely disrespectful. At times, it gets so frustrating that I feel like I just want to throw him through a wall," says Ronda, of her 19-year-old son. "When it comes to around the house, I hate asking Chase to do anything. Usually the answer is, 'No,' or the answer is, 'Yeah, when I'm done, three hours from now.'"

 

"I'm very straightforward. I have a sarcastic tone when I talk, just because I'm kind of fun-loving. I just like to mess around," says Chase. 

 

"I gave Chase the nickname Hollywood, because he loves to live the life of high expectations. He hasn't lived long enough to realize that you have to work for things in life," says Vern, Chase's stepfather.

 

Ronda currently pays Chase's phone bill, health insurance and $250 a month for his car insurance. "I actually enjoy doing for Chase, but what I don't enjoy is his disrespectfulness and his attitude back towards me. It makes me feel like he's completely unappreciative," she says.

 

"It becomes hard to appreciate it when you're throwing it in my face all the time, and it becomes annoying," Chase says.

 

"When I get to the point of frustration that I actually cry, Chase will laugh at me, or he'll get mad," Ronda says. "I want him to understand how bad he hurts me."

 

"After hearing her cry so often, I just started to become insensitive to the way she was crying. I just get frustrated and angry. It's what it does to me now," Chase says. "I definitely think she is a little too sensitive."

 

In the studio, Dr. Phil asks Chase, "Are you tuned out enough that you don't get that it hurts the other people around you?"

 

[AD]"I feel like she's mostly just a little too sensitive about it, and the reason I say that is because when I'm playing around or when I'm being sarcastic, it's just that. I'm playing around. I'm not trying to hurt her. I'm not trying to make her cry," he says.

 

"You are not playing all the time," Ronda interjects. "But you play so much, I don't know if you're serious or not ...You totally antagonize me to the point where I then completely get upset and all I really wanted to do was ask you to do the dishes."

 

"But all I feel like I'm doing is just making fun of a situation before I actually go do it. I might mess around, but then I'll go do it," Chase explains.

Ronda says she worries about the way Chase treats other women as well. She recalls a conversation she witnessed between Chase and his girlfriend. "It was verbally abusive. It was completely uncaring. I mean, he had no feeling at all," she says. "What I said was, 'If you can't talk to her without abusing her, verbally, then you shouldn't be with her.' That was my opinion, and he got very defensive and said that I was telling him that he was abusive, and he said, 'You know what? Just shut up! You know what? * you!' And then he told me to get out of his room."

 

"As soon as I hung up the phone, the way you brought it across was, 'Chase, I just have a bad feeling that you're going to be abusive when you grow up,'" Chase says to his mother.

 

"Screaming at your mother to shut up, giving her the *-bomb and telling her to get out of your room, I mean, come on, you're a bright guy. Under what theory is that something you're proud of?" Dr. Phil asks Chase.

 

"I was frustrated and I got out of control with my voice," he says.

 

"You started out saying, 'Hey, I'm just a big cut-up. I'm sarcastic. No, I'm not going to do it. No, I'll go do it in a minute. I'm just messing with her.' But the truth is that you're telling her to shut up, get out of your room, you're punching holes in the wall. I mean, you have to understand that's not OK," Dr. Phil tells the teen. He points out that Chase is educated, a good athlete, works while going to school and is a contributing member of society but sometimes acts in an unbecoming manner. "There's not anybody who will think that's justified, cool, OK, smart, anything in any way, and you can't change what you don't acknowledge, which is why I'm trying to get you to take a hard look and clean up your act on that."

 

[AD]"The way I deal with things sarcastically, some people just don't take as funny, because everybody has their own opinion about everything, but I don't feel that's the area I need to clean up," Chase says. "I understand punching holes in walls out of my frustration is not OK."

Dr. Phil lists complaints Ronda has about Chase. "She says he purposely antagonizes her, uses the house as a punching bag, swears at her, punches and kicks his kid brother, disrespects girlfriends, wrecks cars and expects money. That kind of falls under the entitled side," he says.

 

"Part of my biggest challenge is that I don't mind helping Chase. I don't mind that he needs money to get through school. I don't mind any of that, and I told him that the other day," Ronda explains. "I want him to be nice to me."

 

[AD]"He didn't come out of the womb this way, did he?" Dr. Phil asks.

 

"No, it's gotten worse and worse since our divorce," Ronda says. She and Chase's dad divorced when the boy was 10. 

 

Ronda describes an incident that occurred when Jake was 14 and why it affected him tremendously.