Rude Teens: Ronda, Chase, Chad, Vern

"He Needs to Recognize and Acknowledge that I’m the Older Brother"

"Chase gets very smart with me. He gets very agitated with me. He is trying to be the male dominant of the household. It's my house," says Vern, Chase's stepfather. 

 

"Chase likes to antagonize me a lot," says Chase's younger brother, Chad. "We can become very competitive against each other. We're always trying to be better than the other, and that can turn into something completely ridiculous."

 

"When this happens, it escalates to the point of physical and verbal abuse," Vern explains. "Chase will come in, lay it out on Chad, and Chad won't take it."

 

"We have holes in our walls and in our doors. We've flipped over the mattress. He's thrown my head through the box spring. He's hit me in the face, made me fall on the ground and then kicked me in the face while I was down on the ground. I was bleeding out of my mouth," Chad recalls. "It's gotten pretty intense."

 

[AD]"One time, Chase became so violent with his brother. He was hitting him in his back, and I flew up off the couch, and I grabbed Chase, threw him up against the wall and told him to leave his brother alone," Vern shares.

 

"I'm not just, like, a little kid anymore, and he treats me like I'm still a little kid," Chad says. "I just want him to treat me with more respect and realize that I've grown up."

In the studio, Dr. Phil asks Chase, "Why do you think you do this?"

 

"I feel like I'm trying to dominate him, because I'm his older brother, and he just needs to recognize and acknowledge that I'm the older brother," Chase says. 

 

"Do you see the flaw in that logic?" Dr. Phil asks.

 

"It just doesn't happen out of nowhere. I just have this conscious feeling. I know there's a problem, but I just don't know what to do about it, because I feel so strongly about it," Chase says. "If I was thrown into the heat of a situation with Chad, and he was trying to fight me, I wouldn't give up until I felt like I was the dominant brother."

 

"Is there a point where it matters to you where you ask yourself, 'What am I so angry about that I become so intense?' Dr. Phil probes. "If you feel that way, and we see that on the outside, then I really do worry about how you feel on the inside. That can't be a pleasant experience for you to be that enraged."

 

[AD]"I really do feel bad," Chase says. He recalls an incident a few years ago where he punched his brother in the nose, making him bleed. "I did it, and I stopped, but it was already too late. He was bleeding through his nose, and that's when I went into my room, and I was really upset with myself. I really felt bad about it. I really did. I knew it wasn't right."

 

"Do you feel bad when you get angry and yell at your mother?" Dr. Phil asks.

 

"I did feel bad," Chase says.

 

Mother and son engage in an emotional exchange.

"Is there some point where the light bulb comes on over your head? I mean, let me just appeal to your greed. Is this the best way for you to be in the world?" Dr. Phil asks Chase.

 

"I don't believe that I feel like I'm entitled to everything," he says. 

 

"I totally disagree. From your shoes to everything," Ronda says.

 

"Maybe directing that toward my family, maybe that's not so OK, but what I'm starting to try to do as I'm transitioning into my adult life is I feel like my straightforward attitude and my greed for trying to get what I want is going to get me somewhere in life," Chase explains.

 

"The name Hollywood came from the fact that you have to have quality. Everything has to be brand name in your life," Vern says. "You do feel entitled to things in your life. You want the best of the best, and I'm saying you need to work through life to get to those things."

 

"Everybody has to own some of this dynamic," Dr. Phil says, pointing out that Ronda has not been the best role model. Facing Chase, he says, "You have to look at this and say, 'Is this who I want to be?' If you're going to give a job application, you're going to fill out a résumé, are these the things that you would like people to know about you?"

 

"No," Chase replies. 

"Then don't do that," Dr. Phil says. "You've got to decide that, 'It's time for me to hold myself to a higher standard.'"

 

Ronda tells Dr. Phil that Chase's employers all rave about him and his attitude. She asks, "Why does he work hard on the job but at home he's lazy?"

 

"He's not mad at them," Dr. Phil says. "Things that families say and do have more impact and more gravity, because those are the people we care about. That's whom we want to be happy with. That's whom we want to love. If you say something that hurts him, it means more because it comes from you, instead of some guy at the 7-Eleven down on the corner. When he goes to his job, he doesn't have an emotional investment with those people."

 

[AD]Dr. Phil tells the family that they have unfinished emotional business. "There are open wounds. It's like your psychological skin is burned at home, so somebody pats you on the back at home and you go, 'Ow!' Somebody pats you on the back at work and you just say, 'Hey, how's it going?'" he says. "There's a big investment here in this."