Second Chances: Kelly, Chanse, Tina, Joe

In His Shoes

"So, how old were you when you started using?" Kelly asks Chanse.

"I was probably about 12, started smoking pot and stuff," Chanse says. "A lot of it was probably because of my parents' divorce. I was just so stressed out, and I didn't have any way to release my stress, and that was the easiest way to do it."

Chanse says he used every day in the beginning, whether it was pot or alcohol, and later, cocaine. Then he dropped out of school.

Kelly notes that none of the men in his mother's life seemed to be very good to him.

[AD]"The guy she ended up marrying, he was a complete scumbag," Chanse says. He says he tried to warn his mother, but she wouldn't listen. They are now divorced.

Chanse explains the incident that caused his mother to stop talking to him, and made him go live with his father.

 

Chanse tells Kelly that people may look down on his father for using drugs with him, but he was just trying to take care of his son when no one else would. He knows his father carries a heavy load of guilt because of it, and that's why he wanted his father to meet Dr. Phil as well.

 

As Tina watches the video of her son, she wipes away her tears.

Kelly and Chanse join the conversation with Dr. Phil.

 

Kelly tells Chanse's parents, "I'm going to be honest when I say that I think he wants both of your love and support, and to a certain extent, discipline, more than he wants sobriety, but I think that goes hand in hand. You have to get sober before he can get respect from anyone, let alone his parents. And then you start to work and build on things," she says. "But there's no point in Chanse going and getting sober if you both are not going to go and get help for the issues you guys have. You're going to be no good to him. The way that I look at it, yeah, let's just face it: You guys were really bad parents, but that doesn't mean you can't be good ones, that doesn't mean you can't change it, that doesn't mean you can't be there for him in ways that you weren't before. You can just do it now. I'm such a believer that people can change. You've just got to put the work in, and unfortunately, look at yourselves."

"You've seen it in your own family. You've been down this same dark road," Dr. Phil comments.

"This is exactly how I sat with my parents, face to face, and I had to tell my father that I was mad at him, and that was so hard for me to do, because I love him so much," Kelly says. "And to tell him, ‘Yeah, Dad, I was mad at you because I came home from school every day and you were on drugs.' But now? My father is the best father in the entire world. He calls me every day. We talk maybe five times a day sometimes, and he's a part of my life. He knows everything, and it's a complete night and day to what it used to be."

[AD]Dr. Phil tells Chanse, "There is no doubt you have been damaged, and it does arrest your development. You become very immature once you start using drugs to escape reality. Because that becomes your reality, so you stop going to the next level, and the next level, and the next level. And that's not your fault. That was done to you. You weren't responsible for what happened then; you are 100 percent responsible for the choices you make today. You're not a kid anymore. You are young, but you are an adult … When you grow up, you own your life … You need to get yourself educated, you need to get yourself employed, you need to get yourself clean, and you need to get yourself moving forward in life, because we don't want to drag you."

In another part of Kelly's one-on-one with Chanse, he explains that he currently lives with his mother and uses marijuana to self-medicate.

Kelly explains how she fixed her relationship with her parents, and Chanse describes what he wants for his future.

 

Back onstage, Dr. Phil lays down the law with Chanse. "If you're going to deal with me, you're going to stop smoking dope, because you're still using. If you're smoking marijuana, you're still using."

[AD] Chanse nods and admits that when he has it, he smokes it every day.

"You said you're self-medicating. What are you medicating?"

"When I'm not on anything, I get all these racing thoughts. I get anxious really easily. I don't take the time to really think about anything and make stupid decisions. When I smoke pot, I can focus, I can think," he says.

Dr. Phil questions Chanse's logic. "You understand, that's a real upside down way of looking at things. You smoke marijuana to focus?"

Dr. Phil tells his guests that a parent's number one job is to prepare their child for life, and they didn't do that with Chanse. He tells Chanse, "I don't know if these folks are going to be able to offer you much. You can't give away what you don't have." He points out that Tina has been through some traumas of her own recently, and Joe is working on his own sobriety. "I'm sorry. I wish it was a different situation. What you have to decide is ‘You know what? I have my whole life ahead of me, and I may have to rise above my raising here.' Be your own best friend. Take care of yourself. You need to get off of the stuff, and you need to start learning how to deal with emotions without self-medicating, as you call it. You've got to turn this around for you. This isn't about them. This is about you loving yourself enough to stand up and say, ‘I'm going to get what I deserve in this world. I'm going to require more of myself and get what I need.'"

Chanse recently got a job at a plant nursery, which he enjoys. Dr. Phil questions, "OK, you're not doing this to grow … other kind of plants?"

"No," Chanse says.

"You said, ‘I like plants because you give them what they need, and they grow.' And I think that's all he's ever asked of you guys," Kelly notes, looking at Tina and Joe.

Since Chanse is a big fan of Kelly's father, Ozzy Osbourne, Kelly offers Chanse a deal: If he gets clean and stays clean, she will send a car to pick him up and bring him backstage at Ozzy's concert, where he can meet him and watch the show.

Dr. Phil also offers Chanse a counselor to work with him on getting clean, going to meetings and learning skills to be successful, as well as life planning. "This is your chance to grab on and start making some choices that are going to yield what you want in your life," he says.

He turns to Chanse's parents and offers them resources to work on their issues as well.

[AD]Kelly has one last thing she wants to say to Joe. "I know how guilty you must feel and how much pain you're in right now. I can see from just looking at you. Don't let that shame ruin your future relationship with him. You've got to get over your mistake as well," she says.

"Thank you," Joe says.

"The past is over. The future hasn't happened yet. We've all got to walk out of this and into the future," Dr. Phil says.