Sex Wars: A Wife's Duty?
Dr. Phil talks to a wife who refuses to perform oral sex because the thought nauseates her.
"Jim and I have been married for 13 years and we have three beautiful daughters," says Renee. "I'm not sure who made up this rule that women and men have to have oral sex, but it's not something I think should be the norm in every relationship. That is what he uses to go to the restroom. I definitely don't want it anywhere near my mouth. My poor husband feels deprived but I have no interest in this act...That is why the bride is smiling so happily on her wedding day. Because she knows she has just done this for the last time."

"It's been an issue," says Jim. "It was an issue early on."

Renee and Jim both agree that aside from the issue of oral sex, their relationship is "great."
"There are a million other ways to enjoy each other aside from that one little hot topic that comes up with girlfriends or during dinner," says Renee. "For those of us who don't do it, should we fee guilty because we should? The ones who do it say, 'Oh it's so disgusting. I wish I didn't have to.'"

"You talk about this during dinner?" asks Dr. Phil. "What do you need me for?"

Jim explains that he wants to know what role oral sex plays in a relationship.

"What I want you guys to understand is that there is no right or wrong here," says Dr. Phil. "These are things that are negotiated and discussed as a couple. I'm not going to whip out some research study that says you need to be doing this."

Renee breathes a sigh of relief and exclaims, "Oh, thank you! Thank you, Dr. Phil!"
Dr. Phil says to Renee, "Neither am I going to tell you that you shouldn't be sensitive to your husband and his wants, needs and desires...The way [you've] labeled [oral sex] is really important. You said, 'I don't want that anywhere near my mouth. It's the ugliest creation God ever made.'"

"Well, can you think of anything uglier?" asks Renee.

Dr. Phil explains to Renee that her husband feels she is holding back a part of herself from him by refusing to engage in the act. Jim acknowledges that this is the case and adds that he has learned to live without it.

"So this is something you can live without and not be resentful and move on," says Dr. Phil. "This is something you negotiate. You should have an open dialogue about what each other wants sexually and how you are meeting each others' needs in that regard. But if you get to a point where it's a deal breaker, you need to say so and see what you can do differently."