Sex Wars: Frustrated Newlyweds
A newlywed who is sick of begging her husband for sex turns to Dr. Phil for advice.
"I've been married to Mark for seven months now," says Rachelle. "I'm absolutely tired of fighting for sex. Under a year ago, we opened up our own personal training center. Since then, my husband has had a low sex drive and he attributes it to being exhausted all the time. When we were first together, sex was regular and romantic and everything you could ever dream of. I'm extremely frustrated with having to beg for sex. After a good 10 days, I am a raging witch. I need the sex to feel secure... It's a hollow, desperate feeling. Dr. Phil, can you help Mark and I end this sex war?"

"I work 85 to 90 hours a week," explains Mark. "Feeling that extra pressure from her, it makes it not fun. It almost makes it feel like a job. I haven't been intimate with my wife and she's looking at me like, 'Well, you're a guy. You have to be getting it from somewhere.' That's where a lot of our stress lies. This is an issue that has driven a wedge between my wife and myself."
Dr. Phil turns to Mark, "You said, 'I would not sacrifice our marriage for our business, yet it seems like I am.' There is a point at which you have to make a choice. You either say, 'I'm going to invest my energy in the business and it's going to destroy my marriage,' or you say, 'I'm going to create some balance.' If you can't [run the business] for less than 90 hours a week, you need to let it go. Because the cost is this marriage."

Dr. Phil asks Mark how he defines success as a man.

Mark answers, "Standing up for what I believe in, loving my wife with all my heart, being close to my family and trying to succeed in whatever venture my wife and I try to accomplish."

"If you're at a point where you succeed in business but lose your wife, and damage her in the process, is that OK?" asks Dr. Phil.

"No," answers Mark.
"Relationships are truly like a garden," says Dr. Phil. "If you tend it, water it, weed it and feed it, it will grow into a beautiful garden. If you only go out there every few weeks to look it over for a few moments, what do you think it's going to look like in a few months? It's going to be a weed patch. It will disappear."

Dr. Phil instructs Rachelle, "I want you to look at Mark and tell him what you want."

Turning to her husband, Rachelle says, "I want more sex!"

"Is there any part of that sentence you didn't understand?" Dr. Phil asks Mark.

"Absolutely not," answers Mark.

"When you choose the behavior, you choose the consequences," says Dr. Phil. "What you've got do is say, 'I'm going to choose to tend this garden. Or I'm going to put all of my time into [work].' And if you put all of your time into [work], this [relationship] will disappear."