Sexual Slumps

Sexual Slumps
When Sheila lost 80 pounds after her pregnancy, she also lost her sex drive.

"I love my husband," Sheila says. "I'm just not interested in having sex with him."

Sheila says that having sex makes her feel sick to her stomach and aggravated. "To avoid sex," she says, "I've gone to bed early and acted like I was asleep."

Though Sheila has dropped from 230 pounds, she still feels unattractive.

Her husband Chuck says, "I want to make love to my wife whether she's heavy or thin becuase I love her truly."

"Do you think it's normal and natural for you to have no sex drive at this point?" Dr. Phil asks Sheila.

"I think it's unnatural," she says.

"You don't have just an absence of a sex drive," Dr. Phil says. "It actually irritates, annoys you and makes you physically ill."

Dr. Phil then asks Chuck, "Are you at a point when you want to see this change?"

"Absolutely," he says.

Dr. Phil tells the couple, "If you have a good sexual relationship, it's about 10 percent of your relationship. If you have an unhealthy sexual relationship, it's 90 percent."

Dr. Phil tells Sheila that she's got a distorted perception of who she is and that she needs to change her negative internal dialogue. He asks her to write down all of the negative thoughts she has.

Sheila agrees and then addresses another issue, "We can go all day without talking to each other and then we'll crawl in bed and he'll just want to have sex."

"Do you understand that a thirsty man is going to look for water?" Dr. Phil asks her.

"Yes," Sheila says. "But when I do give in, the next day he wants the same thing."

"You need to negotiate and find a level that you're both comfortable with," Dr. Phil tells the couple.

Dr. Phil concludes by asking Sheila to behave her way to success by initiating sex at least once a week for the next couple of months.