Sexual Slumps

Sexual Slumps
John and Michelle had an exciting sex life before they had their four children. Now constant screaming, nose wiping and kids grabbing at her leaves Michelle perpetually disinterested in sex.


"From the time I get up, to the time we go to bed, my hands are full from being a mom," Michelle says. "We even have children in the bedroom with us."


"I've had sex with my husband three times in the past three years," says Michelle. "One of those times was to conceive a child."


John is very concerned about the current state of his relationship with Michelle. "I'm extremely frustrated," he says. "I never signed up for a sexless marriage."
Michelle tells Dr. Phil, "I'm tired of being touched."


"You don't differentiate between kids grabbing you and your husband coming to you romantically?" Dr. Phil asks her.


"No," Michelle says. "I have so much touch during the day that any more touch is just unnecessary for me."


"Why are you here?" Dr. Phil asks Michelle.


"I'd like to have an intimate relationship with my husband again," she says.


"Really?" says Dr. Phil. "Because in order for this to work, you don't have to want to have sex, you have to want to want to have sex."

John tells Dr. Phil that Michelle is constantly consumed with the children and that he has little time to even attempt to be romantic with her.


"What could he do to seduce you?" Dr. Phil asks Michelle. "What could he do to inspire you to say, 'Hey that is a different touch, this a different time, this is working for me'?"


"Even something as simple as holding my hand when we're out walking, opening a door for me when we're getting in the vehicle," says Michelle. "Very small things."


"Do you not do those things?" Dr. Phil asks John.


"No," he says.


"Are you nuts?" Dr. Phil asks. "She's saying, 'If you hold my hand, I'll go to bed with you.'"

Dr. Phil tells Michelle and John that when couples have kids, they often stop being friends and lovers and start being moms and dads.


Dr. Phil advises the couple to draw boundaries, making a space for their relationship and a space for the children.


He also reminds Michelle that she needs to carve out time for herself and that turning to resources like babysitters will help her make some space for herself.


Concluding, Dr. Phil tells John that Michelle will view any help he gives with the kids and around the house as romantic.


"Don't just view her as a mother, housewife, and co-worker," he says. "Court her again."