Sober Up or Else: Heather, Alexandra

A Heart-Breaking Childhood

"Life with my mother was very chaotic," Alexandra says. "I feel like we were the perfect family from the outside looking in, but from the inside looking out, we were a total mess."

"My mom has been an alcoholic for most of my life," Heather says. "Growing up, there was always the façade of Little Miss Homemaker. We all sat down and had dinner of over-cooked chicken. No one ever spoke or talked. Mom did more drinking than she ever did talking. Mom would
be at the PTA functions, or she would be the first one at the softball games, yelling, but the things you didn't see was that Mom has wine in her thermos, and she was yelling because she was trashed."

"The first time I realized there was a serious problem was at a wedding," Alexandra remembers. "She was leaning up against the wall, she couldn't walk, and she wasn't putting sentences together. And I was only 10 or 11, but you know, that kind of triggered something, when your mom doesn't even know your own name."

Heather says, "For so many years, there's been so much heartbreak and disappointment for me."

"Tell me how you're feeling right now," Dr. Phil says to Heather.

"You know, I just feel so bad for Alex and Gloria. I really do," she says. Heather turns to her mother, "You've hurt me for so long, and that is what it is, but they don't deserve this. None of us deserve this. And I think the hardest part for all of us is I don't see any effort from you, Mom. And again, we made all this effort. Our relationship my entire life has been 90/10. I cannot do it. I
cannot take care of Alex, Gloria and you. I'm pissed. I'm pissed! And if you want me to feel bad about text messaging you, and if you want me to feel bad that you're crying, I don't. I've been crying. You've got another daughter who can't even stomach looking at you."

"Which is your sister, Gloria," Dr. Phil adds, "who said she wanted no part of this show because she wanted no part of her mother."

"Can you blame her after the Christmas that we had, after she hadn't seen you in a year and a half? Can you blame her?" Heather asks Joey.

"Everything she says is true," Joey says, with tears in her eyes.

Dr. Phil asks Heather, "What does it mean for you to have grown up with this? You can't stuff all that down. I've been there … She didn't just hurt your sisters; she's hurt you as well."

Heather again addresses her mother. "You know, Mom, I'm not sorry for those text messages, and I'm not sorry for telling you that there are times that I hate you, and there are times that I wish that you weren't even here, that maybe it would be easier just to mourn your death than to continue on this path. And I'm so angry, Mom. I feel that dealing with you is like dealing with a child. I have to yell, scold you, be mean, and then we come back 30 minutes later, and I explain to you why I'm upset. You know, Mom, my heart really breaks for you. I know that this isn't the life that you want, but there is another part of me, a bigger part of me " I'm so angry at you. I'm so angry because I feel that this is something that could've been beaten the first 700 times you've gone to rehab."

"Tell her what she's cheated you out of," Dr. Phil prompts.

"You've cheated me out of a relationship with you, most importantly. I have an amazing stepmother, and I'm incredibly lucky for that. These girls have never known anything but you and me, and that's sad. That's really sad. And I
know that there's a human being under there. I would not be here if I didn't think that. But it just seems that your consequences are ruining my life. You are just so incredibly toxic to me. And the worst part is, I'm so pissed at you, but I still feel like **** because I'm mean to you," Heather says.

 

"You texted her and said, ‘I wish you'd just kill yourself,'" Dr. Phil says. 

Heather continues, "I'm not sorry for that, Mom. And there's a part of me that still feels that way. I am so pissed that she is on this show right now. I want to strangle you. I do. I'm furious."