A Matter of Trust
"I am not a suspicious person; I'm just suspicious of my husband, Herman," says Tingle. "There has been a history of lies."
Herman brushes away his wife's concerns. "I don't think Tingle has any reason to distrust me," he says.
"Before we were married, Herman told me that he had only been married one other time," Tingle says.
Herman, who has been down the aisle twice, explains why he didn't come clean about his prior relationship. "On our first date, Tingle told me that she investigated her ex-boyfriend. I didn't want her to pursue me. I just said I was only married once," he says.
"Herman's just a liar. I discovered he was a member of Internet dating sites and swinger sites," Tingle reveals. [AD]
Herman counters, "I joined the Internet dating sites just to do research for a friend."
"I found an e-mail from Herman to an ex-girlfriend communicating to her that he'd like to see the before-and-after shots of her breast surgery," Tingle says.
Herman maintains that his e-mail was a joke. "Tingle blew that out of proportion, thinking I was cheating," he says.
"I feel like I can waste no more time with Herman. I need to know the truth today," Tingle says.
Dr. Phil gets right to the point with Herman. "At this point, you do lie to her, right?" he asks. "You lie by omission and affirmative misstatements, true?"
"True. I have lied," Herman admits.
"You try to avoid, right? Because you know there are certain things that are going to set her off," Dr. Phil points out.
"Yes," Herman answers.
"If he lies to you, then what? You want out?" Dr. Phil asks Tingle.
"Absolutely," she says.
Dr. Phil points out that Tingle has had trust issues in her previous relationships, which causes her to be overly inquisitive. "How is it working for you to interrogate your mates?" he asks.[AD]
"I need the truth, absolutely," she replies.
Dr. Phil lists the reasons Tingle says she doesn't trust her husband. "You said he had an extra cell phone," he says, consulting his notes.
"I don't understand why, with 1,000 minutes, his bill was $69 and mine was $39," she answers.
"You found out the reason it was twice as much is because he had two phones," Dr. Phil notes. He turns to Herman. "That phone was actually in possession of your ex-wife."
"Right," Herman replies.
Dr. Phil observes that Herman also had a porn site saved on his computer. "You object to that," he says to Tingle.
"Absolutely," she answers.
Herman explains that he received spam e-mail from adult Web sites, but he didn't actively peruse the links he was sent.
"You wrote an e-mail to your ex asking to see before-and-after pictures of her breast surgery?" Dr. Phil asks Herman.
"No, I didn't say that," Herman says. "[My ex] had back problems before. She was going into that surgery, and she said, â€˜I'm going to look a lot better.' I said, â€˜OK, after you have the surgery, let me see what you look like afterward."
"You were just joking," Dr. Phil says sarcastically.
"Yeah," Herman responds.
[AD]When Dr. Phil mentions that Herman created a CD with explicit pictures of him and his ex, the embattled husband explains, "When we got married, [Tingle] asked me to get rid of everything I had relating to an ex. I did. I got rid of, I thought, everything."
"No, you did not!" Tingle counters.
"This was a blank CD mixed in with a bunch of other CDs," Herman tells Dr. Phil. "I thought I had purged all of that stuff."
"It was found in a taped up box in a corner that read: 'Do not touch. Herman's stuff,'" Tingle reports.
"You might as well have written: 'Look here,'" Dr. Phil jokes.
"Are you maybe picking the wrong guys?" Dr. Phil asks Tingle.
"Yes. I think I've made the wrong decisions," she responds.
"Do you want to be married to her?" Dr. Phil asks Herman.
"Yes," he replies. "I've learned that she goes through these emotional highs and lows. She does have, in my opinion, a problem with insecurity."
Dr. Phil warns Herman that he is at a relationship crossroads. "You're either going to adopt the strategy that I'm suggesting, or you need to get a divorce from this woman," he says. "I can promise you, nothing short of that will work, and if you do [adopt my strategy], you just might be the person who unlocks this wonderful treasure trove of everything she's kept hidden all of these years. You get to be the one whom she has saved herself for."
Dr. Phil says he wants the couple to watch a DVD of the show, talk about it, and then he will invite them back to discuss what they've learned.