How to Get a Man to Commit

Dr. Phil sits down with Steve Harvey and brings up Steve's recent struggles with his ex-wife and the tabloid fodder that resulted. "Robin and I are so often targeted in the tabloids, and you got a turn these last couple of weeks," Dr. Phil says. "You had an ex-wife who started saying a bunch of things about you that were just absolutely, simply not true. She was saying that you left her penniless and destitute. You kept your mouth shut, and you took the high road, and then a judge lifted the gag order and kind of blew the whistle on her. When the court documents were opened up, you gave her three houses " you only had three houses, right?"

"It was every house I had," Steve says with a laugh. "I was homeless!"

"I can't tell you how impressed and proud I was of the way you handled all of that," Dr. Phil says.

"You know, I still have a mission as a father. I have three sons. I've always taught my sons to be respectful of their mother, and I can't let my sons see me say something disparaging or disrespectful publicly about their mom," he says.


Steve explains his new book, Straight Talk, No Chaser, which is a follow up to his book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. "All I do is give women a peek inside the gentleman's club, a peek inside the locker room, a peek inside what we talk about with each other," Steve says. "I just let women really understand how we are, because so many women have just a misunderstanding of how men are. You keep thinking we're like you, and if your man was like you, y'all couldn't make it, not for a day."

[AD]"What I like about it is you don't present yourself as an expert. What you say is, ‘I'm going to be your friend at the factory. I'm going to tell you what men really think, what they really talk about,'" Dr. Phil says.

Steve says that men are wired differently, and women need to stop expecting men to be like them.

Dr. Phil agrees. "You don't want to roll over in the morning and look at you," he says.

Angeliese is a model and actress who says she can't find a good man to commit to her.


"Hi Dr. Phil and Steve. I'd really like to find a nice guy to settle down with, but I have a history of bad dating decisions," Angeliese says. "My most recent relationship came to a crashing halt when I found out he was not only married but had four kids. I grew up in a very conservative, religious household, where I was highly encouraged to marry the first guy I was with. That ended abruptly two years later when my unemployed, confused husband suggested that we have an open marriage. My relationship before that was very committed. He said he loved me, but when I mentioned the M word, he ran for the hills and married the first girl he saw. So, Dr. Phil and Steve, how can I tell if a man is decent and really ready to commit, not just saying what he thinks I want to hear?"

"What's your theory?" Dr. Phil asks Angeliese.

"Men just look at me as a conquest. Once they catch me, then they don't want me anymore," she says.

Steve speaks from the male point of view and tells her, "We don't care about what your visions, and dreams and hopes are for tomorrow. We walk up to you because we see something across the room that we want … What I think might be happening with you is, you get to a point with a guy, even when a guy gets you, you let your standards go. Once you let a guy get away with not doing what he did in the beginning, we're going to take advantage of that. You've got to keep your standards up."

Dr. Phil recommends Angeliese perform a relationship autopsy and take a look at what she owns in her failed relationships. "Maybe it's that you picked poorly, that you just didn't have a high enough standard when you picked. Or when you got in the relationship, you let them take you for granted and get too easy," he says. "Seriously, you're just not playing your cards right."

[AD]"Guys respond to two things: pain and consequences," Steve says. "If a guy has no fear of anything happening to him … If there are no consequences behind my actions, fine, I'm going to do it. A guy operates on those two things."


Dr. Phil also recommends she doesn't come across as too desperate. "Because you don't need a guy. You're fine without a guy, but you want a guy. You really can't give them the opportunity to think, ‘I'm I control here every step of the way,'" he says.

Steve says to really understand a man's intentions; women should make the men they are dating wait 90 days before they have sex.

"The biggest mistake that women make is they find out the information too late. You find out he's married too late, you find out something's wrong with him, he's not really working, he's not really a committed-type guy," he says. "You can get this figured out in 90 days if you give yourself a chance, but once you commit yourself physically to a guy, you become emotionally involved, and you try to force it to make it work because ‘I slept with the guy.' And you end up dragging yourself through the mud with a relationship that you really need to get rid of."

Women: Do you think it's reasonable to ask a man you're dating to wait 90 days before having sex?
Take a poll! 

[AD]"If you're looking for a lifetime commitment, what's 90 days? You're trying to have something real," Steve says. "Now, if you just want to have a fling, then knock yourself out. Most guys, we don't want to take home to our mothers the loosey-goosey babe. We're not taking you down off a pole in a strip club and taking you home to our mama's house. That ain't what we're looking for!"

Men: Would you stick around 90 days before having sex with the woman you're dating?
Take a poll!