"The intimacy has suffered," says Ande, who feels that she and her husband are more like roommates than spouses. "I miss him tremendously because it is our first year of marriage, and I expected it to be so much more."
They have even discussed separating because Ande feels she should be a priority over golf.
"Did you discuss that before marriage?" asks Dr. Phil. Ande thinks they did, but Bob doesn't recall.
When asked how Bob treats her, Ande says lately she feels he doesn't have room in his life for her. "I don't feel like he really wants me to be there," she says. She says his time is spent not only playing golf, but also watching it on TV.
"It's how you learn," defends Bob.<br
"Let me tell you something girl," Dr. Phil tells Ande, "if this is the biggest problem you face in your marriage, you have got it made."
Dr. Phil explains that there is a difference between fighting over a topic or an issue. For example, they are fighting over golf, but is that really the core issue? He asks Ande to dig a little deeper.
"I need to feel that I'm a priority in his life. I don't feel valued and I don't feel like a priority," she says.
Dr. Phil tells Bob that if he plays golf as much as he does, and then met all of Ande's needs when he wasn't playing, it wouldn't be a problem. "The issue here is she has needs and you are not meeting them," he says.
"I love it; it makes him happy. I knew tennis was important to him. I can encourage him to do what makes him happy, and when he comes home we have a better time together because he's gotten to do what he wants to do," Robin says.
Dr. Phil illustrates, "I'll be traveling for three days and come home, and she'll meet me at the door with my tennis bags. That started to worry me for a while," he jokes. Dr. Phil explains that the quality of time he spends at home is better than if he took tennis out of his life and added those hours in. He asks Bob, "Do you hear what I'm saying that you aren't meeting her needs outside of golf?"
"I'm hearing more now," he says.
He turns to Bob: "And you, figure out what it is she really needs and make meeting those needs part of your definition of success as a man. She could and should support your passion for golf. You need to get some balance in your life. I promise you if you'll put some balance in there, you'll get the most of what you want, but you'll also get some value from her."