Teens Having Babies: Kaylee

Teens Having Babies: Kaylee

"My life is not what I pictured. I'm 16, and I'm eight months pregnant. My baby doesn't have a dad," says Kaylee. "I wish my mom and dad would have talked to me about sex. I wish I would have learned more about it."

 

Kaylee was four months along when her parents found out she was pregnant. "I received a call at my office from Kaylee's assistant principal, and he just said, ‘Kaylee's pregnant.' I could not believe it. I had no clue. She wasn't having any kind of morning

sickness. She wasn't wearing baggy clothes," says Pamela, Kaylee's mom. "I didn't sit down and have the talk about, 'Is it time for you to go on the pill?' Kaylee had health classes. She had even received a certificate for highest score in sexual education. I didn't even think that she was sexually active." She didn't know her daughter had a boyfriend. 

 

"When I found out I was pregnant, I had these fantasies: me and the dad being the perfect family. I would just picture us being together trying to raise this baby. It turned out to be totally opposite. The baby's father says that it's not his. He doesn't want anything to do with me

or the baby," Kaylee says, as tears roll down her face.

 

"Our family has been devastated. This was not in the script of what you think about for your daughter," Pamela says. "My husband, Kevin, he's just so crushed. Our youngest daughter says to Kaylee, ‘You're stupid. You're dumb. Why did you do this?'"

 

Kaylee says her father hardly speaks to her. "I used to be his little girl," she shares. Going out in public isn't any easier. "People give me dirty looks. If it's a teenage girl, she'll point at me. Sometimes I think, why would I do this to myself?"

Pamela doesn't believe her daughter understands the gravity of being a teen mom. "Her ideals are what she sees on TV: celebrities having babies, and

she doesn't understand those people have nannies, financial resources," she says. "She's just in this happy little bubble ... Kaylee's on cloud nine, living in a fairytale."

 

"When I think about my baby, I feel special, but I didn't think this is how my junior year would go," Kaylee admits. "The nice thing is that I get to have my own child. I get to have something to make me laugh."

 

Pamela worries for her daughter's future. "I mourn the loss of her innocence. Kaylee's old life is gone forever. I just don't think she realizes the full impact," she says.

 

Back in Dr. Phil's studio, Kaylee has been watching the story of her predicament on video, and tears run down her face. Dr. Phil says, "Tell me why you're so tearful right now."

"I just can't see myself on TV like that and never pictured my life like this," Kaylee says, wiping away tears.

 

"She said, ‘I so wished my parents would have talked to me about this,'" Dr.

Phil says to Pamela.

"When I hear her say that now, I look back and go, ‘Boy, I really messed up,'" Pamela admits.

 

"What did you miss?" he asks.

"I guess I should have seen the changes in her body," Pamela says. "We have a very close family, and nobody picked up on this at all."

"Why did you have unprotected sex?" Dr. Phil asks Kaylee. "Did you not know how this works?"

"I wasn't thinking," she says.

Dr. Phil asks Kaylee about her relationship with the father of the baby. She says she wasn't dating him, but he would come over after school while her mother was at work. "You had a serious boyfriend at 14," he says to her. Turning to Pamela, he asks, "Was that OK with you?"

"They never went out on their own," she says.

"Did you have sex with him?" Dr. Phil asks Kaylee.

"No," she replies.

 

"Why did you choose to have sex with this guy?" Dr. Phil probes.

"At the time, I wasn't getting along with my parents, and that was, like, love for me, I guess," Kaylee says, with tears streaming down her cheeks. "I wasn't getting along with my dad, and that's the one thing that means the most to me, is my dad."

"You substituted this as ‘love,'" Dr. Phil says. "It's like, ‘I'm not getting the love and acceptance over here, and here's a male figure who will love me, and tell me things I want to hear, and hold me and make me feel good.'"

"Yes," Kaylee says.

"So you substituted him for Dad," Dr. Phil says. "Have you told this to your father?"

Kaylee shakes her head.

"And it's even worse now than it was then," Dr. Phil says. "So you feel very alone."

Kaylee nods with tears welled in her eyes.


"His heart is just crushed," Pamela says of her husband. "There are the different things that come with this: the embarrassment, looking at her when she's pregnant, I mean, it just breaks his heart."

Dr. Phil has a message for Pamela and her husband, who is not at the show. "You made a serious, serious mistake. You missed warning signs, you had to learn about it from the school, you didn't have the conversations that you needed to have. You're getting ready to go into another phase. You need to not make the same mistake again," he tells them. "I understand your husband is crushed. I understand that he is embarrassed. I understand that he is hurt by all of this. I do understand that. His job is not over. She's not pregnant; this family is pregnant. And whether he likes it or whether he doesn't, he's got a daughter who's pregnant. She's still his daughter. She still needs him in her life, and he needs to plug in and deal with this young woman, as do you."

Dr. Phil introduces Bill Albert, the deputy director of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, and asks him, "Where does the prevention start?"

"We encourage parents to be more parental. We encourage them not to just have a talk, but an 18-year conversation, something that starts at a very young age. Start setting rules, start setting the ground for conversations that get more mature as the child matures," he says.

Dr. Phil stresses that parents should have more that one conversation with their child about sex. "This is a dialogue that starts and goes on for their entire life," he says.


Bill agrees. "The mistake parents make is they often feel they need to be biology text books on this," he says. "What they need to do is help young people understand when it is appropriate to be a parent."

Dr. Phil adds that he always told his sons, "Honor your body, honor your life, and honor your girlfriend's life. You don't have the right to do this to yourself and do this to her, because when she's pregnant, you're pregnant too, Buddy."