The Divorce Experiment: Amy's Experience

Amy's Mission

While Greg was dealing with his three "wives," Dr. Phil sent Amy on a mission of her own.

Amy is surprised to be dropped off at a women's empowerment event! She joins a group of women for a series of tasks, including jumping off a high platform ...

"When we first came out here, I was feeling so scared, and now I'm just feeling a sense of confidence that has come over me that I

haven't felt in a long time. I feel like I could do anything," says Amy.

... breaking boards with their hands ...

"I can't believe that I did that. It was awesome!"

... and fire walking ...

"I am feeling a sense of empowerment, truly," says Amy. "This day has been so mind opening. I just feel so strong and so much more confident and alive."

"The empowerment session was just so enlightening," Amy tells Dr. Phil. "I felt like I had been [encapsulated] in a realm of fear."

"It's been said in this world that there are victims and there are volunteers, and they're one and the same," Dr. Phil tells her. "I don't care what it is, people mutually define their relationship. So we know what he's doing that is toxic to this relationship. But do you get the fact that you teach people how to treat you, and when you decide that you're going to have better in your life, that's when you're going to have better in your life?"

"Yes," she says.

"I can tell you the exact precise moment that you being treated like a second class citizen will stop. You will stop having that in your life the precise second that you're so sick to death of it that you absolutely will not have it one more second in your life. That's when you'll change. Do you get that?"

"Yes," says Amy.

Dr. Phil continues. "If you're convenient " if you do what he wants you to do when he wants you to do it, the way he wants you to do it, then he'll let you stay, but it will be interesting to see what'll happen when all of a sudden [Greg has] to step up and be a full partner that gives, and takes, and supports " "

"I think we're being a little lopsided here," interjects Greg.

"I know you do, and you can use that to your advantage or to your disadvantage," says Dr. Phil. "You have been condescending to her, and this is a woman who loves you, and instead of deciding that you want to be right, instead of deciding that you want to be the CEO of your house, that you want to be the policymaker ""

Greg interrupts. "It's not that I want to be the CEO and the policymaker and all this, it's, yes, I'm old fashioned. I work all day, and I come home, and there are things that I expect. There are times when she does go to school or that she has work, but she's not working now, and she hasn't for a while, so

while she's home all day, yeah, there are things that need to get done. Now, maybe I come across dictatorially in the evenings because I'm there, but I'm doing my part."

"We're not talking about division of labor, we're talking about the fundamental respect that you have between two people," says Dr. Phil.

"Maybe that's what you're talking about, but half of America isn't talking about that ""

"You're not talking to half of America; you're talking to me," Dr. Phil tells him.

Dr. Phil continues. "If you're convenient " if you do what he wants you to do when he wants you to do it, the way he wants you to do it, then he'll let you stay, but it will be interesting to see what'll happen when all of a sudden [Greg has] to step up and be a full partner that gives, and takes, and supports " "

"I think we're being a little lopsided here," interjects Greg.

"I know you do, and you can use that to your advantage or to your disadvantage," says Dr. Phil. "You have been condescending to her, and this is a woman who loves you, and instead of deciding that you want to be right, instead of deciding that you want to be the CEO of your house, that you want to be the policymaker ""

Greg interrupts. "It's not that I want to be the CEO and the policymaker and all this, it's, yes, I'm old fashioned. I work all day, and I come home, and there are things that I expect. There are times when she does go to school or that she has work, but she's not working now, and she hasn't for a while, so

while she's home all day, yeah, there are things that need to get done. Now, maybe I come across dictatorially in the evenings because I'm there, but I'm doing my part."

"We're not talking about division of labor, we're talking about the fundamental respect that you have between two people," says Dr. Phil.

"Maybe that's what you're talking about, but half of America isn't talking about that ""

"You're not talking to half of America; you're talking to me," Dr. Phil tells him.

Dr. Phil looks at Greg. "She had to send her daughter away so you didn't break her spirit like you're breaking hers. You proud of that?"

 

"Absolutely not," says Greg. "I don't want any of this to happen."


"Do you want to be right or be happy?" asks Dr. Phil. "You say, 'I could do that in half the time.' Well, bully for you. Get over yourself." He turns to Amy, "Are you going to continue to put up with this?"

"No," she says firmly.

He turns back to Greg. "Do you get the fact that it just isn't working? If
you're so smart and you're so right, how come your wife is in the bathroom throwing up? How come her daughter can't be at home? I mean, come on! You can't be that blind. What is really going on here? Are you that scared of emotionality ""

Absolutely not," says Greg.

" " that you will self-destruct instead of get real about it?"

"I don't think so," he says.

"Are you that afraid of feeling that you will sit here ""

"I'm not afraid of anything," says Greg. "Maybe that's the problem. I'm not a professional therapist. I need somebody to tell me how to fix it."

 

"If I offer you professional help, will you take it?" asks Dr. Phil.

"In a heart beat," says Greg.