The Real Lives of Desperate Housewives: Lynn
Dr. Phil helps seven women to stop living a lie and start revealing the truth.
"I'm a mom. I'm a born-again Christian. I'm living a lie with a lot of people," says Lynn. "My husband told me something that really hurt me and my reaction was a very hurtful action. But it felt good, almost like retaliation. I'm pretty weak and I'm thinking, 'What in the hell are you doing?' I feel desperate. It's ruining my life and it's wrong."
 
When Dr. Phil asks Lynn about the image that she tries to portray for the world, she says, "I fear disapproval and I automatically wonder what people think of me."
 
"So what's it costing you to have one thing you put out there and another thing that's really who you are that you don't want to put out because people won't like it?" Dr. Phil asks.
 
"It's costing me my life," says Lynn. "Because I'm 30 and I'm not centered. Ten years ago I should've been at the point where I'm living my life and doing what I want and feeling how I feel and trusting my own feelings and to have the boundaries to say, 'No. This is what I want.' For years I wondered what Dr. Phil would think and here I am."
"Want to know what I think?" Dr. Phil asks. "I think I don't understand a thing you just said. I don't get words like 'centered' and 'boundary' and all these little buzz words that you pick up to talk about. What I'm asking you is what's the cost?"
 
"My peace of mind," says Lynn.
 
"You know when you're going to deal with this stuff and get real?" Dr. Phil asks. "When you finally get to the point where you say, 'I am so sick to death of this I will not take it another minute of another hour of another day.' Not when you're sitting back going, 'Well, perhaps if I were more centered and had my boundaries better defined.' I don't get that, I'm sorry. You've been reading too many self-help books."
 
Lynn agrees. "I read 15 in the past two months!"
 
"When did you stop thinking and start becoming some parrot?" Dr. Phil asks. "You don't like your life. You just don't want the responsibility of choosing something else."
 
"You're exactly right. I don't want to have to deal with the repercussions of what people will think [or] if I choose it and decide 'Oh, my gosh. I did the wrong thing.'"
Dr. Phil asks Lynn to reveal her secret. "What are you hiding from?"

Lynn's secret began when her husband revealed his own. "My husband told me he has been addicted to pornography for a long time and he'd been lying to me throughout our relationship," says Lynn. "In my eyes, it's cheating, it's infidelity and it hurts me as badly
as if he'd had an affair. Two weeks after he told me this, there was a man who came running to get the elevator. And when he got on the elevator, his eyes met mine and lingered for a second. We ended up kissing. And we ended up fooling around. And I sort of told myself, 'Well, you know I don't really have a marriage to cheat on.' When we kiss it's so intense and it's just like we fit together. The other man and I have had oral sex three times. I think being with the other guy is like a drug. I often look at my husband and I think, 'Why can't I feel the same passion for you that I feel for this other guy instead?'"
Lynn tells Dr. Phil, "I allowed things to happen that in my mind I knew I didn't want to do. But the part of me that would've stopped it didn't because I'm angry with my husband. I had an affair and —"
 
Dr. Phil interrupts her: "You didn't have money to buy shoes, you said, and he's out buying porn and leaving you lying in bed."
 
Lynn begins to cry. "He lied to me since we started dating. About the extent of it all. Even when I would ask he would lie straight out. I want to get past that hurt and move on. And then I acted out so stupidly with another guy who gave me some attention who isn't even a step up. I feel like such a fool for both guys. My marriage is a sham and I didn't even know it! He led me to believe the problems were my fault and it's killing me. It's killing the life in me. And my faith has always been so strong and it's shaken to the core. I don't understand how God would ordain marriage and tell me I have to stay with this."
 
"You talk about this faith-driven life, you talk about being a born-again Christian. You are stalking a married man!" says Dr. Phil. "And it's amazing to me, you judge this man. And you say he's not a step up, you say he's beneath you."
 
"He's not a step up from my husband," says Lynn. "I know that it takes two and I'm — I'm an adulteress!"Dr. Phil wants to get to the point: "Are you stalking the boy? You're calling him. You called him like 30 times!" he exclaims. "You drive by his house. And watch him with his wife on the front porch. Let's be honest about it. You're not committed to your marriage."
 
"You're absolutely right," agrees Lynn. "I'm not because there's no marriage to be committed to. I'm ruining my life. I need to stop this crazy obsession. But it's doing something for me."

"Apparently so — you were with him five days ago," says Dr. Phil.
 
Lynn nods. "And again it was, 'We can't do this. I can't see you. I really need to work on my marriage and so do you.' And then I'm
strong for awhile and then it's —"
 
"What game are you playing in your head?" Dr. Phil asks, pointing out that Lynn has a self-righteous side and another side that repeatedly calls a married man.
 
"It's not even that I want to call him," explains Lynn. "I just want him to call me, I want him to want me, I want him to pursue me. Because in the back of my mind it was almost like I could justify it by saying, 'Well, it's not like [my husband] cared about me when he's down there at the strip joint and I'm home with the newborn.' I know it's vulgar. I'm a whore! I know it!""Does he know you had sex with this man?" Dr. Phil asks.
 
"He knows that we kissed, we met once and we fooled around. I told him it was over, he does not know —"
 
"You had oral sex with this guy in a hotel room your husband paid for! OK? Are you trying to punish your husband? Is this a revenge thing? Is this a rebellion thing?"
 
"It's a rebellion thing," she admits. "He's hurt me so! He's ripped my heart out! And people say, 'Oh, you know, everybody looks at porn.'"
"He's not just looking at porn," says Dr. Phil. "He's looking at porn instead of you."
 
"He came clean," explains Lynn. "He had this huge epiphany like, 'Oh, my God, I'm so sorry and now that I've told you, why can't you just understand I'm trying now?' And I'm thinking, 'F you. Six years I've been trying and all of a sudden I'm supposed to jump on board with you?'"
"So what do you want?"
 
"I want peace and I want to be happy. But I know that's not what life is about. Life is not about being happy," says Lynn.
 
"It's not for you. Right now," says Dr. Phil.
 
Lynn gives her thoughts at the end of day one of the retreat. "When Dr. Phil accused me of stalking the man that I've been involved with, it was like, 'Ouch!' On national TV. But he's right, it's not about that man, it's about my feelings about myself. And I know that. I have more hope now for myself than I ever have. Ever. I just think this is beautiful. I've never had a sister and now I have six sisters. And Uncle Phil," she jokes.