The Sex Talk: LaVon and Bruce
"I went to Google and looked in the search words and saw â€˜naked people' and â€˜teen girls,'" Bruce says.
"Each Web site that he clicked to, I think, linked to
"We asked him if he was playing on the Internet. He knew he was caught," Bruce says.
"Bruce and I spoke with Colton that night probably about three or four hours and just explained to Colton that the images he's seen were not normal," LaVon says. "He kept saying that he was a bad kid, and he felt like he's the only kid who's ever done this, and we just kept reassuring him, â€˜No, we still love you.' If we knew that Colton was curious about sex, we would've definitely had the speech with him, explaining the anatomy of the woman and the man. Bruce and I would've made sure that our computer was locked. I for sure would not have left him home. I'm really concerned that this will affect Colton later in life, that he'll think maybe that was the normal situation that you would do with a girl, and he could possibly abuse his sister or any other girl by being interested in this. I would like to think that we did tell him the right things, but I don't know."
"He's very secluded emotionally. He doesn't like to talk about it," LaVon says. "We have to try to speak to him numerous times to try to pry anything out from him. We told him
"He got to some hard-core porn sites, right?"
"Very," LaVon says.
"And so now he has been exposed to these images, and Dad, you're concerned that this is going to sensitize him or flip a switch in him, right?" Dr. Phil asks.
"Definitely. I mean, you don't see that kind of stuff at 9 years old, and it doesn't affect you," Bruce says.
As for their four-hour conversation with Colton afterward, Dr. Phil says, in his opinion, that wasn't the right thing to do.
Dr. Chirban says, "Your son is very normal, I mean, he's expressing sexual interest. Now, it seems like that message was missed, and I think it's worth figuring out why. I would invite your child, particularly by 9 years old, to sit down, maybe with Dad, and look at an anatomy book and talk about who he is, really get that conversation going in some concrete ways on a physical plane. Talk about relationships, talk about emotions and feelings."
"He's a great kid," Dr. Phil tells them. "Y'all have done a great job in raising this kid, so you obviously have been loving and attentive parents, and then this thing popped up, so what we're trying to do is say, â€˜What do we do now?'"
"I think biting the bullet, as you're suggesting, is really important," Dr. Chirban says. "Obviously, your reactions were very intense, and very extreme and very frightened. You love your kid, and you're afraid he's been damaged. That's the way you describe it. But you want to pull back before you have your chat with your kid, because your child has had his experience with this material. We don't really know in a normal way what he saw, what it meant, what he felt, what he thought."
If you need help on talking with your kids about sex, pick up a copy of Dr. Chirban's book, What's Love Got to Do with It: Talking with Your Kids about Sex.