"For the agencies, I was never slim enough," she says. "The more I tried to lose weight, the more I kept gaining weight. I did diets, I'd eat a muffin a day, I'd starve myself. I tried so hard to model and it wasn't working."
Asked how she continued as her dream slipped away, she says, "I blamed it all on willpower. I put myself down. Food was basically a comfort zone for me."
Dr. Phil asks, "So you medicated yourself with it? You could calm yourself with it, you could comfort yourself with it?"
"Yes," answers Barbara.
"What's going to chage your reliance on food?" Dr. Phil wants to know.
"I want my focus off of food," she says. "There's more to life than food and I want to stay in the game of life."
"I'm afraid of failure," Barabara responds. "I'm afraid of never reaching goals."
"Do you feel that if you heal that pain it will be a betrayal to your sisters?" Dr. Phil asks.
"It's a possibility," Barbara says.
"Do you feel that if you ever just let yourself feel the pain and let yourself grieve that you wouldn't be able to stop?" Dr. Phil asks.
"I never thought about it like that because I grieve all the time," Barbara responds.
"Its just a mechanism that I've built to get by," Barbara tells Dr. Phil.
"It hurts to think and feel those things," Dr. Phil says. "Do you believe that you'll ever be able to get your weight, your mind your body, on track if your don't heal those feelings?"
"Probably not," she says.
"I have an assignment for you," Dr. Phil says. "I want you to sit down and write 20 pages on why you need to get past this grief and honor the memory of your sisters with your life instead of your pain. You are committed to getting past it, right?"
"Yes," she says.