What Are You Thinking: Wendy
Dr. Phil speaks with guests who are concerned about the actions of someone they love.
Wendy and Mike met at work and became instant friends. They do everything together, and feel they are the true life "Will and Grace." Wendy, who is married with children, wants a sexual relationship with Mike, who says he's gay. "Mike has told me he's gay, but I don't believe him. I think he's just confused," says Wendy, who is considering leaving her husband because she's falling in love with Mike.


Wendy met her husband when she was 17 and had her first child at 19. Feeling trapped in her life, Wendy says she doesn't want to be married, she doesn't want to be a mother, and she wishes she were 21 instead of 25. "I would be willing to give up a sure thing with my marriage to move in with Mike to give us a try."


Mike thinks his relationship with Wendy is "amazing," but doesn't want her to make the mistake of leaving her husband and kids for him. "I don't want Wendy to put her life on hold, thinking that's what's going to happen when it's not." He asks for Dr. Phil's help because he feels Wendy is in denial.
Dr. Phil asks Mike if he's gay. "Yes sir. I'm gay," he confirms.


"Any confusion with that at all?" asks Dr. Phil. Mike says there is no confusion, it is crystal clear. "There are two reasons I agreed to do this," says Dr. Phil. "Because when they brought me this story, I said, 'No, thank you. I don't want to deal with this.' Then they said, 'Just read it.' And then when I read through it, I saw that you [Wendy] have two sons, age 1 and age 6."


"Yes," says Wendy.


"That's why I'm talking to you. Because you have two sons and your two sons don't have a voice here. They don't have the ability to say, 'Hey mom, what the hell are you thinking woman? We've got a family here. We have a life here and you're wanting to run off with some guy who's telling you he's gay and he doesn't want to have what you're going after.' And you're saying, 'I don't care. I will chuck it all to take a chance that I can change this.' Does that seem reasonable and rational to you?" Dr. Phil asks Wendy.


Wendy admits that it doesn't.

Dr. Phil continues: "Did you miss the part of growing up about responsibility and accountability and telling yourself no? You said, 'I want to be 21.' You're not. You said, 'I don't want to be married.' You are. And you do have two children. See, that's part of growing up and being mature — that we sometimes make the right decision, and sometimes we have to make the decision right. And perhaps it wasn't the right decision to have these two children, but you did ... So that's your responsibility now. And you have to deal with that."


He adds, "Friends have their friend's interests at heart. And if he was your best friend, he would be telling you, 'Look, you have no future with me, and if I'm confusing you in any way then let me clear that up.' Because you said you're like the real world "Will and Grace"? That's a sitcom. This is the real life and there are two children here that are going to pick up the tab for this behavior."

Dr. Phil sums it up: "One of you needs to break off this friendship, because you obviously don't have the ability to handle it in a rational way."


Dr. Phil addresses Mike: "If you really care about her, you'll clear up the confusion here and you'll stop holding hands and playing house and stop kissing and hugging and pretending that you're together when you're not."


He turns to Wendy: "You have a husband and two children, and if you feel trapped and not happy there, then what you need to do is go get some marital counseling. And you need to work to resolve those issues."