What's Your Personality: The Poser

Dr. Phil talks with guests about the traits that dominate their personality.

Mindy admits to being superficial and shallow. "I'm the type of person that wants a trophy boyfriend on my shoulder to show off," says Mindy. "I use people to get what I want, whether that be levels in society, money, clothes, food, whatever." Her philosophy is: "It's not what you know, it's who you know."

Mindy doesn't think that you always have to work your way up the ladder. She wants everything right now. She dates older men because "they've got their job, they've got a car, they've got a house," says Mindy.

Most of her friends won't talk to her because she puts them off. "I've got too many other important people that I need to speak to," says Mindy. "Dr. Phil, I'm losing friends and my family is concerned. Can you help a so-called superficial and shallow girl?" asks Mindy, who answered YES to all the questions on Dr. Phil's quiz about having a "poser" personality.

Dr. Phil is not surprised she is losing friends. He clarifies: "You go out with people and do things based on what they can get for you, right? And that includes money, clothes, jewelry, stuff like that. That sounds like a business transaction. Do you feel good about that?"

"No," says Mindy.

"You said if you got into a car wreck and lost either a finger or a toe you would rather be dead? Do you mean that?" asks Dr. Phil.

"I strongly mean it," says Mindy.

"Because you wouldn't want a broken body or something? How about your spirit? Do you think your spirit is broken?" asks Dr. Phil.

"No," says Mindy.

Dr. Phil asks why she believes she has so little to offer that she goes after what others can offer, instead of believing in herself, earning her way through the world and being proud of her accomplishments. "Do you have that low of an opinion of yourself?" asks Dr. Phil.

"If you put it that way, yeah," says Mindy.

"Aren't you going to miss your real talents and your real self-reliance and your ability to do things, if you just pursue this strategy instead of saying, 'I'm going to get out there and contribute something to the world. I'm going to achieve something. I'm going to develop myself in some way where I don't have to try to get people to give me things, or prop me up socially? I will earn the respect of people in this world, and it can be me they're trying to know instead of the other way around.' Does that ever occur to you that that would be a good endeavor?" asks Dr. Phil.

Mindy admits that it would, and it also occurs to her that people don't get to know the real her.
"And you think they are really missing something if they don't get to know you?" asks Dr. Phil.

"Yeah," says Mindy.

"These friends who have left because they think you have abandoned them... do you miss them?" asks Dr. Phil.

"Yeah," agrees Mindy, getting emotional.

Dr. Phil tells her that although she thinks she's using people, that they may very well be using her. "If all you ever focus on are the superficial things, you'll never get a chance to find out what you are really capable of and what you can really do," says Dr. Phil.

"That's what I'm scared of," says Mindy, wiping a tear away.

Dr. Phil tells her that the way things are going now, she might meet a guy who is the most loving, caring, devoted, loyal person she'd ever meet in her life, but she would look right past him if there was a guy with a flashy car.

Mindy agrees with him.

"And that would mean that you would miss a lot," emphasizes Dr. Phil, suggesting she reconsider her criteria and start measuring success differently. "You're looking at all of these material things, when you might be looking for some of the core traits in yourself in others," says Dr. Phil.

He tells her she should try it for a year, and if she wants to go back the other way, she can, but she should give herself a chance first.

Mindy agrees to consider it.