Wifestyles: Diana

Wifestyles: Diana


Can women have it all: career, family and marital bliss? Diana says "no way."

"I'm an expert at being a wife, and I believe a wife should stay home with her children and take care of her husband," says Diana, who's been a happy stay-at-home mom and wife for three years. "I strongly believe in traditional roles between men and women. I do not feel like I need to go out into the workforce to be able to prove my validity. I think that raising my children and being the best wife I can be is all the value that I need," she says.

"Feminism likes to promote the idea that women can have it all. They can be a wife and mother, and still be out of the home. And that is impossible," says Diana. "Men want to come home and have dinner on the table. Why not want to make him happy?"

Diana has a list of strategies for succeeding as a wife. She recommends waking up to an empty dishwasher and a clean kitchen. She has also come up with a meal planner. "I take 28 meals and rotate them through a calendar. So you can essentially plan dinner for an entire year," she says.

"The hour before your husband's coming home, change your shirt, put on some makeup, spray some perfume. Be his wife when he comes home. There is nothing wrong with that," says Diana. "By staying home, taking care of the house, taking care of the kids, taking care of the dinner, taking care of the laundry, taking care of the floors, people can look at that and say, ‘It's just so demeaning.' It's not. I'm a great wife, and I'm a better woman for it."


"Does your husband have these expectations of you?" Dr. Phil asks Diana. "You say, ‘This is what he wants, so I'm going to give him what he wants.'"

"Yes," she says. "I found that once I had children, it was more beneficial for me to be home with my family. Women have done it for years, and there's nothing wrong with it. I think that women, unfortunately, get into this feeling that they're being degraded, or they're being demeaned because they're not going out there, getting a paycheck. And it's much harder to gain your own self-respect while you're staying at home, and find your own validity for what you're doing, without feeling like you're just under the control of a man. I run my house. I'm the queen of my castle. And when my husband comes home, I make sure that he knows that I appreciate what he's doing. We respect each other. If he came home, and walked in the house, and kicked the dog, and told me I was mediocre, then I would have a less chance of wanting to make sure that he had a hot meal on the table."


"You also said that it's impossible for a woman to have a career, be a wife and take care of a family, because you can't give 100 percent of your time to your job, and 100 percent of time to your husband and family?" asks Dr. Phil.

"Right," she says. "Absolutely. I've worked before. I've been out of the home, and you're spread too thin. And I know women say they can do it. I know that because I was there, and when I was working and not at home, I said I could do it, too. Well, once you are home, and you are taking care of your family and your home, and you're putting 110 percent into everything, you'll find that it's much more difficult than you thought it was."


Dr. Phil asks, "Do you believe that your husband works as hard at this as you do? So you have a balance?"


"Absolutely," says Diana. She explains that she used to get defensive when her husband suggested things that would make him happy, such as dinner on a consistent basis. "What I finally realized, was that I really wasn't doing my job the best that I could. And this was a decision I made," she says. 

Dr. Phil goes over some of Diana's advice to other stay-at-home moms. "‘Be the woman your husband wants you to be. Before he comes home: dress up, clean up, have a hot meal waiting for him when he gets home. Have a shoe basket by the door to keep the floor clean, so you don't busy yourself mopping and sweeping, so you're with him. If your husband reaches for you, grab tighter. If he kisses you, kiss longer. If your husband loves you, love him more. There's nothing more a husband wants than a loving wife and a good meal.'"

"Basically," says Diana. "I mean how can you disagree with that? Once you've made the decision about staying home, taking on a traditional role, raising your kids, then do it 100 percent. And, it's a respect issue. If he's respecting you, you're respecting him, then why not do things for each other that make the other one happy?"