As an experiment, Kelly hands over the housewife duties to her husband and records him on video.
As Grant dries the dishes, he asks her, "What am I supposed to be doing now?"
"Taking care of the kids," says Kelly as she aims the camera at him. "Keeping the house really clean. Cooking A+ meals. Put on something short, tight, and made of spandex too."
After Grant battles to make dinner " warmed up meat and beans " feed the kids, eat his own dinner over the sink, clean the kids and get them ready for bed, he admits to Kelly, "I'm pretty tired."
Early the next morning, Grant has his hands full dealing with crying kids, feeding them breakfast " out of Tupperware containers " and getting them dressed, all the while looking exhausted.
In the end, Grant didn't do everything perfectly and Kelly records the mess Grant left behind.
"You know, I never said what Kelly does is easy," Grant tells Dr. Phil.
"No, you just said you wanted her to do it in spandex, short skirts, chiffon, high heels, chokers, leather and thigh high boots," says Dr. Phil, showing the types of outfits that Grant would like to see his wife in.
"I'm just trying to propose things that will get her out of her comfort zone a little bit," says Grant.
"Oh, I think she's out of her comfort zone," says Dr. Phil. "Are you a perfect husband?" he asks.
"No, I'm not," says Grant. "But I think my expectations are realistic. I think they're attainable."
Dr. Phil disagrees. "If you think she's going to be going around in a French maid's outfit with three kids, and washing your truck outside,
"It just feels unattainable. So why try? Why bother?" she says. She wants to know, "What does it mean when he says that I'm mediocre? Or that he implies that he's settling for me. What does that mean? Can I really be the love of his life if he's settling for me? Do you settle for the great love of your life?"
Dr. Phil points out to Grant that Kelly feels defeated.
"That's not how I want her to feel, because I'm not going to get anywhere that way. Neither of us are going to succeed. I don't think that's the way she should feel," says Grant.
Dr. Phil interrupts, "Wait a minute! I don't think you need to be telling her how she should feel. What do you expect her response to be when you do what you're doing; when you say the things that you're saying? â€˜You're meals are C+, you dress frumpy like your mother, I want you to sex it up some, and I want you to start doing a better job. You don't do the dishwasher right, you don't do the laundry right, you don't cook very well, and you don't do it very sexy while you're doing it.' Oh boy, that just turns her on."
"I think Kelly's heart is in the right place. She works really hard at what she does," begins Grant.
"No, no, no, we're talking about your heart, not hers!" says Dr. Phil.
Dr. Phil explains that because his wife Robin is his feminine side, she read all the interviews and all the information collected from Grant and Kelly. It kept her up at night, and now Robin has something to say to Grant:
"First of all, she is not a possession that you purchased seven years ago. You don't own her because you got married. She is a gift that God gave to you, to enhance you, to enhance and enrich the rest of your life," says Robin. "This marriage is not just about you. I think that besides being a committed and devoted wife and mother, she is also a woman. And she deserves dignity and respect and nothing less. I also think to start that, you could maybe scoop her up and carry her to the bed and insist she take a three-hour nap. Not because you want something in return, but because you value her, you appreciate her, and you are aware of how hard she works. And then, you could go in and then feed the kids, bathe the kids, put them to bed, tuck them in, pick up the toys, clean the kitchen, maybe set the breakfast table, take out the trash, turn out all the lights and lock all the doors. That's sexy."
Grant thinks he understands what Robin is saying. "The solution to this problem would start with my attitude toward Kelly," he says.
When Grant tries to explain why he's critical about stuff around the house, such as putting dishes away in the cupboards, Dr. Phil stops him. "Do you honestly think this is about dishes and kitchen cupboards?"
"That was an example," says Grant.
"Well let me give you one," he tells Grant. "The example is one of a critical spirit. When you enter a relationship with a critical spirit, when you set yourself up to take your partner's inventory all the time, and sit in judgment and let them know they're just not measuring up, they're not good enough, that doesn't inspire change, Grant. You need to understand that the number one need in all people is acceptance. She is doubting her adequacy as a woman. She is doubting her adequacy as a wife. She is doubting her ability to ever please you, and that is not a good feeling."
He turns to Kelly, "And I'm not saying you're a perfect wife, I'm not saying you can't do things better, I'm sure you can. I'm sure we can all do some things better. But if you live with somebody that you don't feel acceptance from, that you don't feel value from, that you feel like you've got to jump through hoops all the time, trying to please, and you can't ever get there, is that not a lonely feeling?"
"It is lonely," says Kelly. "And one of my greatest concerns, as I look at Grant, is I don't think that he meets his own expectations. I don't think that the people around him meet his expectations. We all know now that I don't meet his expectations. And I'm concerned for my children. I don't want them to grow up and think that they're not good enough, and that they don't meet his expectations. I want them to think that their parents think that they are just worth a million dollars. They're the greatest things. And I'm concerned that they are going to feel the way that I do," she says, tearfully.
Dr. Phil explains how he measures success as a man. "If I know that [Robin] can stand in a room full of 10,000 women, and know in her heart that there isn't a woman in that room who gets treated better than her behind closed doors, then I have done my job," says Dr. Phil.
He tells Grant, "It's how you treat them when nobody's looking, and nobody's listening. It's how you treat them behind closed doors. This a wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, vibrant woman. And you're judging her and pushing her down, and pushing her down. I don't think that's your intention, but it is the result."
Dr. Phil recommends Grant spend more time thinking of how he can make Kelly's life better. "The better she feels, the better partner you're going to have. I'll guarantee you that's true mentally, physically, spiritually, sexually, every way. If she's having a great time in life, what kind of companion is she going to be for you?
"A very good companion," says Grant.
"If she's brow-beaten and feels defeated, what kind of partner is she going to be for you?"
"Not motivated," he says.
"She's not going to be happy, and you're not either," says Dr. Phil.