A Family Affair: Ed Wants Both

"I Want Both of You"
Dr. Phil takes an in-depth look into the aftermath of an affair.
"Ed had told me flat out: 'Why can't I have both of you? I want both of you,'" explains Kandi. "And I just look at him like, 'Are you out of your mind?'" Kandi is tired of Ed's mixed signals and wants him to make a decision. "He says he wants to work on the marriage, he's here, but yet, he's still seeing her and talking to her. I just don't trust him," she says.
 
"I fell into a pattern where I would leave the home, be with the other woman, feel like I needed to go back home," says Ed. "I was torn. I needed to be with my children, I needed to be at home with my wife. And then I'd eventually miss the other woman." Ed knows that he's taking advantage of his wife. "I have just strung her along so far because she just let me do it. I took advantage of her goodness to prolong the relationship with the other woman as long as I possibly could," he says.
 
In a conversation at home caught on camera, Ed admits to Kandi, "I'm just trying to leave the door open as long as I can for both things."
 
Kandi responds, "If you're not going to move back home, then don't. But don't come over here for dinners and to spend the night like a slumber party."
Dr. Phil asks Kandi, "You say he has to make a choice? Why is it his choice? Don't you have feelings about this? You're yielding it all to him."
 
"I know what I want. I want my marriage to work. I want him home with the family, but I'm not going to accept this other woman in my life," says Kandi, explaining that she will accept his child with the other woman.
 
Dr. Phil wants to dig deeper. "How do you feel about this?" he emphasizes.
 
"I'm devastated," she replies.
 
Dr. Phil is surprised. "You don't act that way. You let him come, you let him go. He's been in and out of the house four times since April." Dr. Phil reminds Kandi that Ed has been living back at their house for six weeks, and admits to having sex with his mistress two weeks ago.
"Two weeks ago he went out and had sex with his pregnant mistress and came home and got in bed with you," Dr. Phil reminds her. He tells Kandi that she has to own her side of this situation, but it doesn't involve blaming herself for Ed's choice.
 
"I blame myself because I let myself go," says Kandi. "I gained a lot of weight""
 
"You had three of his babies!" Dr. Phil exclaims, and the audience applauds. "You say you let yourself go. Well, get on the treadmill, but that doesn't mean he gets to go out and run around with nurses at the hospital!"
Dr. Phil turns to Ed: "You came home and told her this because you thought that would cause her to kick you out and that would make it easy for you, right?"
 
Ed agrees.
 
"You came home and said, 'OK, just got to tell you I spent the last five weeks having a torrid affair with this woman who just makes me feel wonderful. And by the way, I never loved you to begin with.' Wasn't that pretty much the way that went?"
 
"Yes," says Ed. "When I told my wife that, I thought I had made a conscious decision to head down the path toward divorce. That this was a bridge that I was just going to burn. I thought, 'Well, I'll just tell my wife. She'll react by kicking me out."
 
"Isn't that amazingly selfish?" Dr. Phil asks. "To come home and think, 'I'm feeling guilty so I want to dump this on you so you will chase me away so I can go be with her.'"
 
He tells Kandi: "That seems to be the dynamic that's going on here, and you're saying, 'OK.'"