A Family Divided: Marty's Confession: The Confession

The Confession
Dr. Phil talks with Marty about his honesty in his marriage and Marty confesses something he has been keeping from Erin.

Dr. Phil again confronts Marty about his honesty with Erin. "Are there places you've gone and

things that you have constructively hidden from her?" he asks.


"I don't think so," Marty says.


Dr. Phil tells Marty that he doesn't believe him. "I factually know better than that. I can tell you what that is, but I'd rather you," he says. "What do you choose to do about it?"


After a long silence, Dr. Phil asks Marty, "Are you lying to Erin by omission about places you are going and things you are doing?"


After another long silence, Marty shakes his head no. He then asks Dr. Phil, "When you say 'places,' what do you mean?"


Dr. Phil tells Marty, "I'm tired of building a house on sand here. I want all the Marty cards on the table, because if I've got all the Marty cards on the table, and I've got all the Erin cards on the table, then I think we can shuffle that deck in a way that works," he explains to Marty.


"You're either going to get real or I'm just going to let this thing go where it goes. I can't help you if you give me misinformation by telling me something that isn't true or failing to tell me something that is true," Dr. Phil says. He looks Marty in the eye and says, "I believe there are threshold moments in every relationship, and I believe you are standing at one now."

After a long silence, Marty says he has something to tell Erin. "I ran into that woman," he admits, and Erin immediately starts to
cry. "It's not what you're thinking. We live in the same community," he explains.


Katherine interrupts him in tears, saying, "Dad, just go away out of our family now, please."


Dr. Phil tells the girls to let Marty explain what happened.


"We just ran into each other ... There was nothing sexual," he says. "She asked me how I was doing and I said, 'I'm working hard to get my life straightened out with my wife and kids.'"


Dr. Phil asks Marty where the encounter took place.


After a long silence, Marty says, "At a gas station."


Dr. Phil asks, "Why did it take you so long to answer that question?"


"I feel horrible," Marty replies.

Dr. Phil turns his attention to Erin and asks her, "What do you want to ask?"


"I don't want to ask him anything," she says. "This is another lie by omission. If it wasn't a big deal, then maybe he should have said, 'I saw this woman.'"


Dr. Phil asks Marty how he thinks things would have turned out if he had just been honest with Erin and told her exactly how the run-in occurred.


Marty says that he doesn't know.

 

Erin says that she would have understood because it's not unusual to run into people. "But he's hidden it, and why was he hiding it if it wasn't a big deal?" she questions. "I'm so hurt."


"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Marty says.

"Did you do anything inappropriate with that woman?" Dr. Phil asks Marty. When Marty says no, Dr. Phil digs further, asking if the woman acted inappropriately with him.


"Not really," Marty replies.


"Don't hide from her now if something else

took place," Dr. Phil persists. "Don't tell half the truth now and lie by omission again!"


Marty reveals what the woman said to him. "I think she likes me and wants to see me."


Dr. Phil asks him how he responded to that.
"I said, 'No. 'I'm trying to work things out with my wife and kids,'" he tells Dr. Phil.


Dr. Phil asks Erin,

"What would it have meant to you if he had come home and said that to you that day?"


She explains that she would be scared for a moment, but then grateful that Marty trusted her enough to tell her and be honest with her. She would also be glad to know that Marty trusted himself enough. "That he knew that he was not going to go down that road again," she explains. "As it stands, I see an open invitation."

"Do you see the problem here that you create if you lie by omission instead of just being straight up honest?" Dr. Phil asks Marty. Had Marty been up front with
Erin about the incident, Dr. Phil says, "She could have actually come away from that saying, 'You know, I'm proud of him not only for telling me, but for saying what he said to her,'" he tells Marty.


Dr. Phil continues, "People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing." He explains that if Marty had nothing to hide from Erin, he should have just told her. "Now she's got all these big question marks on her forehead because she is sitting here thinking, 'Why did he lie?'"


Marty has a choice to make. "The lie, omit, avoid, evade, has created you problems all your life," Dr. Phil reminds Marty. He tells him that he needs to be honest with his family even if they don't like what he has to say. "Then you've got nothing to hide. You've got nothing to fear."