A Family Divided: Six-Month Checkup: Advice for the Family

Advice for the Family
The family discusses ALexandra's new relationship

Dr. Phil asks Alex if she thinks that her mother has her best interest at heart.

 

Alex answers, "I think she has some of her best interest at heart ... She thinks I am incapable of doing the right thing because I made a mistake in the past and she is unable to forgive me for that, and she is going to hold it over my head for the rest of my life."

Erin and Marty disagree and Erin explains, "Alexandra is so beautiful and so smart and so intelligent, and I just think her self-esteem is just not where it should be right now. I don't think she thinks she can do better, and I know she can do better. She's just being impatient, she wants something right now ... But I am afraid right now that she is not going to make the best choices."


Dr. Phil asks Alex why she rolls her eyes and she explains, "Well Mom, maybe if you would actually have conversations with me outside of arguments at home, then maybe you would get to know me on another level."

 

Dr. Phil asks Alex if she is willing to have a conversation with her mom about her situation and her mom's concerns.


Alex answers, "Yes ... I will have a decent person conversation but I don't want her to sit there and wig out and try and tell me what to do because I am a teenager. I don't want people to tell me what to do, I want them to listen to me."


Dr. Phil responds, "I absolutely believe that she needs to listen to you, but you also need to open your ears, because you want to say, 'OK I made a mistake, are you going to hold that over my head?,' It's not a matter of holding it over your head. It's a matter of the fact that the past predicts the future unless something intervenes to change that, and what I want to see is some things to intervene to change that."

He continues, "I want to see you recognize that you do have a hunger for male attention and that can make you vulnerable. I want you to recognize that you can feel like a victim at home ... and you can go out and somebody can go blowing in your ear and telling you what you want to hear, and you mistake that for love. There is a whole lot that you don't know right now Alex, and I want you to be willing to listen. You want people to listen to you, then you need to be willing to listen back."

Dr. Phil tells the family what needs to happen between the three of them. He tells Marty that Alex made the choice that led her to getting pregnant, but he set her up to make that choice.


"You were so unplugged from the situation, that here is a young girl looking for male connection, looking for male acceptance, and she goes out vulnerable to that and she found it. If she had that connection with you then, she might not have been as vulnerable ... and you have to own that. I lay that right at your feet ... Had she gone out there not ... needing to feel special in some male's eyes, then she might have had the ego strength to say back off buddy."


Dr. Phil continues, "You're back in that situation again and you don't want to repeat that mistake ... You need to have a dialogue here, she needs to understand how special she is ... If you had said half of the things to her that you said to me about her, she would be a whole lot better off right now. You have to step up and be the father that leads this family and this daughter strongly, right now."
Dr. Phil addresses Alex, "Your mother admits to having been unplugged ... You may not like her agenda and you may question some of her motives, but do you doubt that she knows more about life and the exchanges and risk in life than you do?"


Alex responds, "Yeah."


Dr. Phil suggests that Alex sit down with her mother and hear her out without deciding that she is attacking her. "I think she has earned the audience ... She has stepped up and stood by you and has given to you and sacrificed to you every step of the way through this process, and you know that and you have told me, true?"


"Yeah."


"Then she has earned the audience. You guys need to talk about this."


Dr. Phil ends the segment with one last question for Alex, "Are you on birth control?"


"No, my mom does not believe in that for 15-year-old people."