A Family in Crisis: Stacy and Chris Face Off: Stacy

An Issue of Trust
Dr. Phil discusses Chris and Stacy's marital woes.
"I don't trust anyone at all," says Stacy, a stay-at-home mother who admits to cheating on her third husband, Chris, three times.


"I can't think of one person on this earth that I trust fully," Stacy confesses in her video diary. "Everybody who meant anything to me has violated that trust in some way. Until I was about 15, I

hated my mother. I didn't trust her. I didn't like her. She had different men in and out of our lives. I don't trust my kids. I don't trust my husband. I don't trust anybody."


Stacy also doesn't believe that Chris, a car salesman, can provide for the family. "I don't trust him with money," she remarks. "I don't trust that he'll take care of us. I don't trust that he'll be there for me when I really need him because he has never been."

Dr. Phil asks Stacy if she's ready for Chris to be more vocal about the problems in their marriage. "Do you think you behave in a way that suggests you want to hear him ... or do you think you lash back in a way that shuts him up?" he asks.


"I think I lash back," Stacy admits.


"Where is your ownership in this part of it?" Dr. Phil asks her.


Turning to Chris, he says, "I've talked about yours, that you're not stepping up, getting a backbone and giving your feelings a voice. You have to be the man to step up and lead this family and give a voice to the things that you think and know are right."


Gesturing to Stacy, Dr. Phil asks, "What do you think you have to do?"


"Well, the first thing is I need to shut my mouth more," she remarks. "I think I need to not say some of the mean things that I say."

"You don't much like what's been going on since you got here, do you?" Dr. Phil asks Stacy.


"No," Stacy replies.


"I either want you 100 percent in this process or I want you 100 percent gone," Dr. Phil declares. "I'm tired of your whining. I'm tired of your complaining. I'm tired of you being high maintenance. If you don't want to be here, hit the door. If you do, you need to stop complaining and get your butt in the game and start working on this. I don't care whether you like me or whether you don't. I'm going to tell you the truth as I see it. If you don't want to hear it, then you need to get out of that chair and let somebody in there that wants in it."


Dr. Phil asks Stacy if she still wants to work with him on the show, and she remarks, "I'll be happy to move forward in this process. I'm not going to get walked over."


"Nobody's asking you to get walked over," Dr. Phil argues. "You've had three affairs in this relationship. You've got to own that."

Dr. Phil comments on the irony of Stacy's trust issues. "I was astounded on the tape to hear you say [to Chris], 'I just can't trust you. I want to know that you're going to be where you're going to be.' I found that incredibly strange from someone who has introduced deception into every phase of the five and a half years of this marriage," he tells her.


Stacy responds that Chris should want to know her whereabouts as well. "I think it should be mutual that way," she says.


Chris turns to his wife. "In a relationship, there needs to be some trust, which is what I've given," he says. "And being told, 'I need to know when you're coming home and if you're not, you need to call,' that gets controlling and it bothers me."


Asked why, Chris explains, "I'm not in the military. I shouldn't be told I have to do this, this and this for my wife. When I'm done with work, I'm coming home. I'm not going to the bars. I'm not going to hang out with friends."

Dr. Phil asks Stacy, "Isn't the primary issue that you don't trust his judgment?"


Stacy agrees, and Dr. Phil clarifies, "This isn't an issue of fidelity. It's an issue of whether you trust him to do the things that are in the best interest of this family."


Dr. Phil wonders if Chris has heard Stacy's desire for him to take more of a leadership role in the family.


"If she's said it, it hasn't come across in that manner," says Chris.


"Well, she said it to us," Dr. Phil counters. "She said, 'I can't trust Chris to make good decisions for our kids. I feel like I have to parent the children and this man that I'm married to because he won't step up and make the right decisions.'"


"Are you willing to change that?" Dr. Phil asks.


"I wouldn't be sitting here if I'm not willing to make the changes in this," says Chris.


Dr. Phil tells Stacy and Chris that they need to put their marriage on project status.


"I want you to wake up every morning and say, 'What can I do today to make my marriage better?' I want action," Dr. Phil insists. "I want movement. That's what we're looking for in this process."