Dr. Phil asks another important question: “Have you researched, planned, and prepared yourself legally for divorce?” Both say no. Another reason why they’re not ready to get divorced.
“There are economic realities that you have to acknowledge, but you are not powerless,” Dr. Phil tells Jan. “I’m going to tell you what I think about your situation: You need to stand up for yourself here. You say you’re living for your children, that they’re your most important thing. You need to ask yourself what kind of role model you’re providing for them. You need to make a commitment to get yourself healed. You have to decide that you are entitled to be happy and healthy.”
Dr. Phil turns to Randy. “It’s hard to see yourself the way other people do. I think you’ve got a definite lack of insight here. I thought maybe when I described how these folks see you, maybe a glimmer of acknowledgment came on.”
“It was a slap in the face,” Randy says.
[AD]”I don’t want to see your marriage go down the tubes. I don’t. I value marriage. You’ve got to decide whether you want to be right or you want to be happy. Because you’re right, right now. You can justify everything that you’re accused of doing. You are the first perfect husband on the face of this Earth, to hear you tell it. Seriously. That’s what I mean by a lack of insight,” Dr. Phil tells him. “I’ve been taking your inventory pretty hard, haven’t I? But the truth of the matter is you’ve mismanaged your emotions, you’ve mismanaged your relationships, you’ve mismanaged your role significantly, and that has to change. And if it changes, then there is a possibility that this situation could heal. But without insight, with all the â€˜but’s in your sentences, with all those justifications, you will never, ever move this forward, and you will be divorced within the year.”
Dr. Phil tells Jan, “Is this marriage beat up? Yes, it is. Are you closed off to him? Yes, you are. That’s been a defensive thing on your part, but I’m going to tell you, I don’t think you’re ready for divorce. You have too much unfinished emotional business. Because if you left now, you would leave damaged, wouldn’t you?”
“Oh, yeah,” she says.
“And that is no way to start a new life,” he says. Dr. Phil offers resources to each of them individually and as a couple, to try to negotiate a safe way to proceed, whether they heal their marriage or file for divorce. “Are you willing to do that?” he asks Randy.
Randy nods. “Yes, very willing,” he says.
[AD]”Listen, I know I’m being hard on you but I’m telling you the truth ” I can tell you what you want to hear, and you’ll be divorced within a year. I’m telling you what you need to hear to have a chance to keep your family together. I’m telling you this father to father, husband to husband,” Dr. Phil says. “Will you hear me?”
Jan also agrees to participate in counseling.
At the end of the show, Jan says, “I feel a lot better knowing I have a plan.”
“Thank you, Dr. Phil,” Randy says. “I’m excited to get this started on the right path.”